Tag: fear

A time of presence; dreams point the way

by 8hummingbirdway

Early one morning, about 5 weeks ago, I experienced a moment, an hour of deep presence and well-being. I spoke with Lei Lei during this time about this feeling and about two dreams. [Lei Lei is a being that I channel.]

We see that you are in a great state of …or a high state of presence this morning.

Thank you. Yes, I feel this. I feel that I reside in a place of holiness, almost …a place of understanding and of knowing what I need to call forth in myself in order to move forward in the best way possible in my life, in my days, in my actions, in my choices. And this is trust, deep trust in myself and all those around me and God and Life and Mother Earth and All-That-Is …as well as releasing all fear …trusting that my own presence and my response is landing in a place in which I am at ease and trust and well-being. And is that all? Ease, trust and well-being, compassion and kindness, awareness without fear, which is what the trust connotes.

We feel your energy, Annie, we feel your presence, your trust. We are happy that you are in this place at this time.

Is it possible that I can sustain this?

It is possible that eventually you can sustain this. We are unsure as to whether you can sustain it fully “now,” in this “time,” [and we put quotes around now and time, for we sense that you can achieve this way of being that you seek …and we do not align with the existence of time as you know it.] And so we are in support of you, moving forward in this way, with ease, trust, inner confidence, compassion, presence. We see that is within your reach to do so. And you will observe what brings you out of that space, what unsettles you, what seems to have power over you to change, to release your well-being, to reconnect with fear.

I would like to not walk that path of fear. I have walked it for so long.

We understand, and we see that you are in an elevated space at this time, and we support you in moving forward in this space and sustaining this ability. We do not doubt you. We simply leave room for a more full arrival in the future …if you are falling away at any time.

[I then shared with Lei Lei about a dream in which my son and my grandson had put themselves and the family at risk. They were avoiding the situation, would not admit it or talk about it. My daughter and I were afraid for our sons, and for the entire family.]

This a dream of fear and unsettled feelings – that which you are trying to leave behind. The dream brings you to the core of your concerns, which is your beloved ones. And this is a challenge – for you to trust, to know that they are ok, to know that all of you are ok, to trust your path regardless of anything that happens, regardless of all that might occur. So it is right to the point of where you sit at this moment, this business of trust and fear, worry for your beloved ones. And you must release them to their path, whether jail or death. These are the ultimate fears – imprisonment, harm, death, pain, suffering, loss of freedom, and also betrayal. These are the ultimate things you fear, it seems.

Thank you Lei Lei.

You are most welcome.

Is there anything else to fear?

Being found unworthy, incompetent, unable to fulfill your expectations, your responsibilities, being found faulty, being found less than you want to be. And you do not want this for your beloveds either – to be found faulty or to be afraid or to be betrayed or betraying the family in any way.

Yes. These are some of my fears that could unsettle me or change my course or cause me deep consternation, fear, and worry. My beloveds. And so I suppose the task is to release them to their paths with trust that this is the way for them. Even if it does not appear to be the way.

Yes. These are very difficult things to accomplish.

I see you are taking me to the core of those things that could unsettle me and bring me to fear.

This dream has done that.

[I then told Lei Lei about a prior dream of complex challenges …of systemic patterns and ego matters.]

This is not unrelated to the dream that you woke from today. It is about trust and fear and repercussions and falling short and intricacies of what is required for each individual in each situation. In both cases, there are others at play that one cannot control, although in this prior dream one can cover and fulfill their tasks for them. So, the same dynamics are at play. However, this morning’s dream is cutting much closer to the soul because they involve your beloved ones – your son and your grandson. And this is your weakness, your vulnerability. And these kinds of things …these subtleties …these are why we are not certain that you have fully arrived in the place that you hope to have arrived. However, you can see this place, and you are aware of it, and you can work towards it and overcome obstacles going forward now that you have the vantage point at this moment. And we are grateful that you have touched this and will be moving forward toward this in the ways that you need to.

Thank you, Lei Lei. I understand in this moment. I ask for help in going forward and sustaining this understanding and movement forward.

I thanked Lei Lei for their part in bringing me to where I sat that morning.

They respond: “However, more may be revealed to you as time unfolds.”

I take this to mean that even though I feel at the pinnacle of knowledge, and feel I have “arrived” where I want to be …there will be more to conquer within myself. There will always be more, I think.

2 or 3 days later, the sky started to fall in for me, as a result of a sequence of events.

At this time, 6 weeks later, I have passed through that time …which unsettled some of my most important relationships and showed me more fully who I am.

Am I back in the throne I hoped to occupy? In a way. I am grateful for my challenges, the teachings and experiences. I have navigated them the best I could – imperfectly, with humility for the most part. I have drawn lines that I needed to draw for myself, and I have learned from the experiences.

I am currently at peace with myself and with my loved ones.

I am ready for whatever else occurs, realizing that the challenges ahead may be even greater, and run deeper.

Life ahead is a mystery.

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Recent Texts from Goma

by 8hummingbirdway

I have a couple of allies in Africa after last February’s trip. One is in Uganda and the other in in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). When we went to the DRC, there were warnings in the US not to cross the border from Rwanda into DRC. That there was danger from rebels surrounding the city, and food supplies were at risk. My husband asked me not to go, he was afraid of harm coming to me, but I chose to trust my son’s friend, Bienve. See post here.

See more about Bienve’s work here.

See a post about the 2nd refugee camp we visited here and here.

Indeed all was well. We had meals in various restaurants, at the refugee camp, and at Bienve’s home. I do have to admit that we heard artillery from beyond the refugee camps both days, and we did see evidence of policies that were geared to limit the hours of restaurants (weakening them).

Now it’s a different story. If you are listening to the news, you are probably aware that Goma is under attack.

Bienva’s references to the international mafia are actually not the country of Rwanda – as stated in the media both last year and this year. Rwanda military may be the tool, but corporations employ them – corporations who want the valuable minerals that are known to be below Goma. If you do just a little research, you will find talk of the minerals.

I am afraid for the people of Goma and especially for the displaced persons of the refugee camps

I have been in communication for the past few days with Bienve, although he was not confident that the internet would sustain.

[The international language in DRC is French, but Bienve does pretty well with English.]

Sunday January 26

Bienve, my prayers are with you and your family. And all the displaced persons.

Thank you.

It’s very very bad

The rebels are now in Goma officially and it’s a very bad situation.

This hurts my thoughts. I am holding you in my heart

Monday January 27

You are first on my mind this morning. Is there any change?

Ohhh very bad.

I call for protection and peace.

Thank you.

Tuesday January 28

Are you safe?

We are safe but staying in the house. We can’t go anywhere now because guns are

shooting everywhere and people are losing their life.

The news here said that the borders of Goma are secured. But still shooting?

Not yet.

Do you have water? (Bienve has 4 young children and one older daughter who he adopted before his marriage.)

We have some.

And some food?

We are waiting if shop will be open in a few days. And banks are closed unfortunately.

But it’s not easy really.

No. Not easy. Frightening. Everything is uncertain.

Exactly.

We are facing bad days really.

We don’t know what to do.

We have many movements of the populations and we are in a high needs of supports

because people are not working anymore; they are staying in place. Waiting if the

situation will be ok.

And you don’t know how to help because that’s what you DO. And everyone is in need.

But it’s not safe.

Exactly. And I must protect my loved ones.

Even we should have some food but we are empty because its still January.

And in January many partners are in planning(for the refugee camps, and the youth

industry}. Not having any funding yet is part of the challenge.

We have bad internet.

And no food for your family?

We have some, not enough.

Can you help me know how to pray for you, for Goma?

safety and food.

Do you have any news of the displaced persons’ refugee camps?

—-Perhaps I will get an answer to this last question when the internet is working again.

As well as concern for Bienve and his family, the refugees, the child soldiers and all of Goma, I am reminded of our approach in eradicating and moving the tribal people in this continent. My husband, a lover of history, reminded me recently that we waited until Spring to lay siege to the Native Americans. Their food supplies were often depleted, diminished and they could not last long.

In Goma, they are attacked for the 2nd year in a row in January, when food supplies are low and people cannot sustain deprivation. Their growing season starts in February, as well as their funding, as Bienve noted.

It hurts my heart and my faith in humanity to see this greed and ruthlessness and lack of compassion at play despite those who have made a life in and around Goma.

In the past I have asked for support for Remember Youth For Change, Bienve’s work with small industries, child soldiers, and refugees. However, this is not the time.

Prayers would be welcome, specifically for safety and food.

For Bienve and his family, for the child soldiers he helps, for the displaced person’s camp, and for all of Goma.

Questions I haven’t asked him and will not broach:

-What minerals are below his house?

-Will soldiers take his home, will they destroy it to dig?

Yes, I know I am imagining the worst. Perhaps this is unwise.

But I can see this home in my mind’s eye that may be at risk.

My thoughts and heart have turned back to my time with Bienve and his family. On our last afternoon in Goma, after our visit to the Bulango Camp, Bienve wanted to honor my son + I. He stopped at several fruit stands, knowing that my son loves fruit smoothies. After talks and photos and gifts (they – the youth sewing industry Bienve created – made a beautiful shirt for my son and a dress for me!) at the office of Remember Youth for Change …we went to his home, on the lower level and connected with his children, his wife Clariss, and a family friend. We whiled away the time in their home for a couple of hours, connecting with the children, cutting tropical fruit and devouring it to everyone’s delight.

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Welcome news

by 8hummingbirdway

One thing new to share is that I have recieved guidance from Sri Pune that finding a way to renew connection and trust with my far away sister is a path of my soul.

This is welcome news.

And I’m afraid of the path – and that I won’t get it right.

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