Tag: Dreams from the Soul

A time of presence; dreams point the way

by 8hummingbirdway

Early one morning, about 5 weeks ago, I experienced a moment, an hour of deep presence and well-being. I spoke with Lei Lei during this time about this feeling and about two dreams. [Lei Lei is a being that I channel.]

We see that you are in a great state of …or a high state of presence this morning.

Thank you. Yes, I feel this. I feel that I reside in a place of holiness, almost …a place of understanding and of knowing what I need to call forth in myself in order to move forward in the best way possible in my life, in my days, in my actions, in my choices. And this is trust, deep trust in myself and all those around me and God and Life and Mother Earth and All-That-Is …as well as releasing all fear …trusting that my own presence and my response is landing in a place in which I am at ease and trust and well-being. And is that all? Ease, trust and well-being, compassion and kindness, awareness without fear, which is what the trust connotes.

We feel your energy, Annie, we feel your presence, your trust. We are happy that you are in this place at this time.

Is it possible that I can sustain this?

It is possible that eventually you can sustain this. We are unsure as to whether you can sustain it fully “now,” in this “time,” [and we put quotes around now and time, for we sense that you can achieve this way of being that you seek …and we do not align with the existence of time as you know it.] And so we are in support of you, moving forward in this way, with ease, trust, inner confidence, compassion, presence. We see that is within your reach to do so. And you will observe what brings you out of that space, what unsettles you, what seems to have power over you to change, to release your well-being, to reconnect with fear.

I would like to not walk that path of fear. I have walked it for so long.

We understand, and we see that you are in an elevated space at this time, and we support you in moving forward in this space and sustaining this ability. We do not doubt you. We simply leave room for a more full arrival in the future …if you are falling away at any time.

[I then shared with Lei Lei about a dream in which my son and my grandson had put themselves and the family at risk. They were avoiding the situation, would not admit it or talk about it. My daughter and I were afraid for our sons, and for the entire family.]

This a dream of fear and unsettled feelings – that which you are trying to leave behind. The dream brings you to the core of your concerns, which is your beloved ones. And this is a challenge – for you to trust, to know that they are ok, to know that all of you are ok, to trust your path regardless of anything that happens, regardless of all that might occur. So it is right to the point of where you sit at this moment, this business of trust and fear, worry for your beloved ones. And you must release them to their path, whether jail or death. These are the ultimate fears – imprisonment, harm, death, pain, suffering, loss of freedom, and also betrayal. These are the ultimate things you fear, it seems.

Thank you Lei Lei.

You are most welcome.

Is there anything else to fear?

Being found unworthy, incompetent, unable to fulfill your expectations, your responsibilities, being found faulty, being found less than you want to be. And you do not want this for your beloveds either – to be found faulty or to be afraid or to be betrayed or betraying the family in any way.

Yes. These are some of my fears that could unsettle me or change my course or cause me deep consternation, fear, and worry. My beloveds. And so I suppose the task is to release them to their paths with trust that this is the way for them. Even if it does not appear to be the way.

Yes. These are very difficult things to accomplish.

I see you are taking me to the core of those things that could unsettle me and bring me to fear.

This dream has done that.

[I then told Lei Lei about a prior dream of complex challenges …of systemic patterns and ego matters.]

This is not unrelated to the dream that you woke from today. It is about trust and fear and repercussions and falling short and intricacies of what is required for each individual in each situation. In both cases, there are others at play that one cannot control, although in this prior dream one can cover and fulfill their tasks for them. So, the same dynamics are at play. However, this morning’s dream is cutting much closer to the soul because they involve your beloved ones – your son and your grandson. And this is your weakness, your vulnerability. And these kinds of things …these subtleties …these are why we are not certain that you have fully arrived in the place that you hope to have arrived. However, you can see this place, and you are aware of it, and you can work towards it and overcome obstacles going forward now that you have the vantage point at this moment. And we are grateful that you have touched this and will be moving forward toward this in the ways that you need to.

Thank you, Lei Lei. I understand in this moment. I ask for help in going forward and sustaining this understanding and movement forward.

I thanked Lei Lei for their part in bringing me to where I sat that morning.

They respond: “However, more may be revealed to you as time unfolds.”

I take this to mean that even though I feel at the pinnacle of knowledge, and feel I have “arrived” where I want to be …there will be more to conquer within myself. There will always be more, I think.

2 or 3 days later, the sky started to fall in for me, as a result of a sequence of events.

At this time, 6 weeks later, I have passed through that time …which unsettled some of my most important relationships and showed me more fully who I am.

Am I back in the throne I hoped to occupy? In a way. I am grateful for my challenges, the teachings and experiences. I have navigated them the best I could – imperfectly, with humility for the most part. I have drawn lines that I needed to draw for myself, and I have learned from the experiences.

I am currently at peace with myself and with my loved ones.

I am ready for whatever else occurs, realizing that the challenges ahead may be even greater, and run deeper.

Life ahead is a mystery.

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Billie Jean (not her name)

by 8hummingbirdway

I had a house cleaning business for 10 years, back in CT – over 25 years ago, after a 5 year stint at being a programmer/analyst. (Not my world.)

I started out cleaning on my own and then slowly hired others to work for me. I paid them well and gave them raises when they were fully trained. They came and went. I loved them all in various ways, except maybe Trudy (not her name) who didn’t clean well – always failed the house checks. No idea why I couldn’t bring myself to fire her. I generally only fired people who were horrible – or who stole from clients as Lana did. It was a bummer to fire her. I fired another woman who looked through clients’ drawers during training. And a man who didn’t work out due to attitude and ability/willingness.

I was good at cleaning, hiring, and training. Iris, Eleanor, Billie Jean, Lana and Leigh Ann were the best cleaners – as good as or better than me. I really enjoyed Iris and I think of her from time to time …wish we were still in touch. She was a bright light. She recommended her friend, M (I can never remember her name) – who was very distant, but I had a good feeling about her. I think she was wary of employers, or maybe white people – probably for good reason. M didn’t last long. She got pregnant and invited me to her baby shower. It felt awkward but felt I should go. I realize now that she probably hoped for a substantial gift. I wasn’t loaded, we didn’t own our home, pretty much lived hand to mouth, no savings. I should have had savings by the standards of others, but I never learned to focus on money. (My dad was well-to do, but not happy.) Anyway, she probably thought we were rich, as bosses tend to be (maybe). The baby shower was very awkward. Very proper, and staid – good manners for my benefit. I knew it would have been a lot more fun without my presence and I never did understand until today why I had been invited. (Sorry, M.)

Last night I dreamed of Billie Jean, and everyone else flowed in. An abundance of warm memories.

In the dream I visited her. I was in her kitchen. I was glad to see her. (I do think about her from time to time.) She offered me guidance – several bits of advice about how to manage life – I’m not sure why. I thanked her for her advice and caring.

Her daughter came into the kitchen, still a child. She said (or I knew somehow) that she had always looked up to and admired me, though I think I met her only once or twice – and we just said hi.

In life, I had never been to Billie Jean’s home. I was not opposed to friendships with the cleaners (Eleanor was a friend) but I had 2 young children who kept me busy. [For the last 5 years of the cleaning, I could afford to stay home with them for the most part.]

The story of Billie Jean is that she was low key, humble, and a great cleaner. I paid a few of the women a bit more and she was one of them. She ran the business for me when I was away – washed and dried the cleaning rags, opened/locked my house if I wasn’t there, dealt with any issues, called me if needed. I would pay her additionally during those times.

At one point my family went on a one-month road trip, and I left Billie Jean at the helm. She learned the combination to the safe that cleaners dropped the day’s payments into, and she made the deposits into my bank account. I will forever be grateful to her. I had a wonderful trip and no concerns on the home/business front.

Later on, I found money missing once. Then again. After the 2nd time, I called Billie Jean into a private room when she returned from her day’s work …and confronted her. I had racked my brain and there was no other explanation. She admitted taking the money. She cried, and said she was in a terrible financial situation, explained it to me. She was behind on several bills and didn’t know what to do.

I was able to help her. Happily, I sat on a committee in our small city that granted funds to individuals or families who had a one-time financial crisis. I advised her to go a few months without paying and then apply to this organization for help. And she did. And she got the help.

This the only time I used the committee to get help for someone I knew, and I’m glad I did. She deserved help, and in truth, not many people knew about the available funds.

When I decided to move to NY, I foolishly left my 16-year-old in charge of my business. (She refused to leave CT, and the laws there allow 16-year-olds to get legally emancipated.) Long story short, it didn’t work out.

Clients started falling away, and I asked Billie Jean if she would take ownership of all the equipment, the remaining clients, etc. We agreed that she would pay me $50/month for some amount of time, but after a year she stopped paying me.

I wasn’t angry. I was surviving. I was glad for any service she could provide the clients who had trusted me with their homes.

I wasn’t able to reach her and tell her that. I didn’t know her address. (My daughter had brought the equipment to her.) I felt she carried guilt about this. It bothered me.

More than 10 years later, I finally was able to message her on Facebook. I learned that she had a surprise late-in-life pregnancy and stopped or slowed cleaning houses, worked as a janitor somewhere. It would have been nice if she had communicated with me, but she was never big on words.

And I have to trust life. Perhaps I wouldn’t have responded well. I wasn’t thrilled initially.

It was nice to see her in the dream. I tried today to check in but wasn’t able to send another message to her. I did send prayers of wellbeing and love and hope.

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A Dream of Learning to Expand into Love

by 8hummingbirdway

I recently had a lovely dream about the steps and lessons along the way of life.

There were lessons at various stations/locations, teachings about how to live, how to communicate, about negotiation, kindness, sexuality, and other aspects of the way we navigate our lives.

There were other individuals along this trail, and some stations were difficult to reach, to navigate, and/or to understand.

One was in an auditorium or theater – with rows of seats – and had something to do with understanding and acceptance of various orientations and ways …of self and others.

One was in a beautiful natural setting that was difficult to find …and even to see or perceive.

I remember talking with another person about the challenges of reaching these locations …as we sat on the auditorium chairs …not realizing that we were IN a teaching place at the time.

The journey could be walking or riding or simply being somewhere.

It involved being open-minded and seeing/understanding.

One could go to a teaching station and completely miss the lesson.

It was a beautiful dream and I felt honored by the message and excited about the levels of understanding and connection that I am learning to choose …through experience, and through the beautiful lessons.

As I thought about the dream, I realized that there has been a shift in my sexual orientation – more focus on alignment with my husband than on our individual pleasure.

Then my mind went to the day before when my husband and I discussed the placement of a used rug he’d bought. I had brought it into the living room and placed where I thought it should obviously go. He came into the room a bit later and joined me on the couch …and within a few minutes he said he had envisioned the rug in a different orientation. I consciously resisted the usual path of overriding his ridiculous idea. This would have been my choice in the past – not saying it was ridiculous but pushing my vision as the right one. Normally he would give way to this tactic.

On this day, however, we discussed it for a while and then decided to try it the way he preferred. We worked on getting it just right, moving the coffee table and getting it just as he wanted it.

This is way out of character for me – or for a prior version of me.

Eventually he decided that it worked better the original way, but I didn’t control the situation …or control him as I would have tried to do in the past. (He is historically more flexible than I regarding that sort of thing.)

He also has been shifting his energy toward me. I am experiencing much more support and appreciation from him, and much less of a critical focus on my cooking and other aspects of our life together.

We are liking each other more and learning harmoniousness!

I suppose life IS a classroom, kind of like in my dream …if one pays attention and is open-minded.


I want to say, in closing, that I had been feeling that my recent focus on not judging others was a final step in becoming a person I feel good about being.

Now I realize there is no end!

There are SO many ways of living our lives that could expand and improve – kindness, generosity, open-mindedness, supportiveness, holding one’s tongue, and on and on.

I feel excited about this, and curious about what’s ahead.

I also want to remind the reader that I have come to believe that dreams are messages from one’s soul.

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