Early one morning, about 5 weeks ago, I experienced a moment, an hour of deep presence and well-being. I spoke with Lei Lei during this time about this feeling and about two dreams. [Lei Lei is a being that I channel.]
We see that you are in a great state of …or a high state of presence this morning.
Thank you. Yes, I feel this. I feel that I reside in a place of holiness, almost …a place of understanding and of knowing what I need to call forth in myself in order to move forward in the best way possible in my life, in my days, in my actions, in my choices. And this is trust, deep trust in myself and all those around me and God and Life and Mother Earth and All-That-Is …as well as releasing all fear …trusting that my own presence and my response is landing in a place in which I am at ease and trust and well-being. And is that all? Ease, trust and well-being, compassion and kindness, awareness without fear, which is what the trust connotes.
We feel your energy, Annie, we feel your presence, your trust. We are happy that you are in this place at this time.
Is it possible that I can sustain this?
It is possible that eventually you can sustain this. We are unsure as to whether you can sustain it fully “now,” in this “time,” [and we put quotes around now and time, for we sense that you can achieve this way of being that you seek …and we do not align with the existence of time as you know it.] And so we are in support of you, moving forward in this way, with ease, trust, inner confidence, compassion, presence. We see that is within your reach to do so. And you will observe what brings you out of that space, what unsettles you, what seems to have power over you to change, to release your well-being, to reconnect with fear.
I would like to not walk that path of fear. I have walked it for so long.
We understand, and we see that you are in an elevated space at this time, and we support you in moving forward in this space and sustaining this ability. We do not doubt you. We simply leave room for a more full arrival in the future …if you are falling away at any time.
[I then shared with Lei Lei about a dream in which my son and my grandson had put themselves and the family at risk. They were avoiding the situation, would not admit it or talk about it. My daughter and I were afraid for our sons, and for the entire family.]
This a dream of fear and unsettled feelings – that which you are trying to leave behind. The dream brings you to the core of your concerns, which is your beloved ones. And this is a challenge – for you to trust, to know that they are ok, to know that all of you are ok, to trust your path regardless of anything that happens, regardless of all that might occur. So it is right to the point of where you sit at this moment, this business of trust and fear, worry for your beloved ones. And you must release them to their path, whether jail or death. These are the ultimate fears – imprisonment, harm, death, pain, suffering, loss of freedom, and also betrayal. These are the ultimate things you fear, it seems.
Thank you Lei Lei.
You are most welcome.
Is there anything else to fear?
Being found unworthy, incompetent, unable to fulfill your expectations, your responsibilities, being found faulty, being found less than you want to be. And you do not want this for your beloveds either – to be found faulty or to be afraid or to be betrayed or betraying the family in any way.
Yes. These are some of my fears that could unsettle me or change my course or cause me deep consternation, fear, and worry. My beloveds. And so I suppose the task is to release them to their paths with trust that this is the way for them. Even if it does not appear to be the way.
Yes. These are very difficult things to accomplish.
I see you are taking me to the core of those things that could unsettle me and bring me to fear.
This dream has done that.
[I then told Lei Lei about a prior dream of complex challenges …of systemic patterns and ego matters.]
This is not unrelated to the dream that you woke from today. It is about trust and fear and repercussions and falling short and intricacies of what is required for each individual in each situation. In both cases, there are others at play that one cannot control, although in this prior dream one can cover and fulfill their tasks for them. So, the same dynamics are at play. However, this morning’s dream is cutting much closer to the soul because they involve your beloved ones – your son and your grandson. And this is your weakness, your vulnerability. And these kinds of things …these subtleties …these are why we are not certain that you have fully arrived in the place that you hope to have arrived. However, you can see this place, and you are aware of it, and you can work towards it and overcome obstacles going forward now that you have the vantage point at this moment. And we are grateful that you have touched this and will be moving forward toward this in the ways that you need to.
Thank you, Lei Lei. I understand in this moment. I ask for help in going forward and sustaining this understanding and movement forward.
I thanked Lei Lei for their part in bringing me to where I sat that morning.
They respond: “However, more may be revealed to you as time unfolds.”
I take this to mean that even though I feel at the pinnacle of knowledge, and feel I have “arrived” where I want to be …there will be more to conquer within myself. There will always be more, I think.
2 or 3 days later, the sky started to fall in for me, as a result of a sequence of events.
At this time, 6 weeks later, I have passed through that time …which unsettled some of my most important relationships and showed me more fully who I am.
Am I back in the throne I hoped to occupy? In a way. I am grateful for my challenges, the teachings and experiences. I have navigated them the best I could – imperfectly, with humility for the most part. I have drawn lines that I needed to draw for myself, and I have learned from the experiences.
I am currently at peace with myself and with my loved ones.
I am ready for whatever else occurs, realizing that the challenges ahead may be even greater, and run deeper.
Life ahead is a mystery.
Would you like to get blog posts sent directly to your email inbox? Subscribe below.
