LEI LEI SPEAKS
This message offers guidance on how to evolve at this critical time, and steps to move your awareness into your heart.
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Almost a year and a half ago my sister-in-law and her husband lost their beautiful home in Ashville, NC. Their home had been on the market …and suddenly there was no home. The insurance company determined that the home was destroyed by a mudslide rather than the hurricane …and so they were not covered.
This home was worth a great deal – over a million dollars. It was days before people could get to them, and when they were rescued, the insurance company initially put them up in a hotel …and they slowly came to terms with their new reality.
Since then, they have been living in an RV, working at state parks in the South, most recently in Georgia. They are in their 60s, and this has hit them very hard.
Meanwhile, our northern holiday gathering with my brother-in-law’s family was rescheduled for the following Saturday – 2 days after Christmas.
Just before Christmas, my husband spoke with his sister on the phone. She was having a tough spell and shared some challenges with him.
He told her about the snow we were getting …and the upcoming gathering. We had talked of inviting them to come North, and he did. It was not a surprise that she couldn’t afford to come, but the sadness in her voice hit us hard.
In the background, I encouraged him to offer to fly them up.
Generosity has always been a point of contention between us. My husband is fiscally conservative and a great saver, for which I am very grateful …and I tend to be generous to a fault. (We keep some of our finances seperate, and we have both mitigated our tendencies. Happily, this difference between us has ceased to be a bone of contention in our marriage.)
I watched him as he grappled with the idea of being generous on this level – flying his sister and her husband North to join the family gathering. We had all missed them so much, and felt in our hearts the loss and disorientation they were still navigating.
And then it happened. He offered to fly them up!
Initially she declined, because this just wasn’t done in their family. However, she agreed a few minutes later …and within an hour, flights were booked and paid.
My husband had never before expereinced being the source of generosity in this substantial way. He was elated.
The family holiday gathering was a deeply important and connected reunion for all of us.
As I write this, I realize it’s actually the first time we’ve all gathered since their mom died 2 years ago.
My step-kids were able to join the fray, and we were all able to enjoy an extended time together.
There were a few small gifts, and a great deal of palpable love, joy and laughter.
My husband glowed with internal happiness – as the hero that brought his sister home.
It has been amazing to witness this generosity. I have seen it showing up in small ways, slowly growing. But this was a significant expansion …and a big departure.
Even now, I feel tears close to the surface. I am deeply moved and grateful.
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LEI LEI SPEAKS
This message builds on prior messages to offer guidance in 2 areas:
Living in a harmonious manner
Connecting with Mother Earth.
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I just completed a short meditation I posted recently – called Unity Breath. I will post it here again because there were several videos I shared in that post. https://youtu.be/CKy_uEj0mPY?si=xVPLJoywA5irkrEj
I listen every morning for 10 minutes. It is a significant blessing in my life and a beautiful way to start my day. I alway feel simply amazing and SO much love. Sometimes it brings tears, like the recent memories of my faulty parenting. These are the most impactful and opening experiences. I cry and release that which has gone before.
This morning I made sense of my detachment from all things male for most of my life.
About a year ago I recieved a message from my father (via a psychic) – that I was the one that he saw so much potential in – and I realized his disappointment in me. He had told me from a young age that I could be anything I wanted. He had been hoping for a doctor or lawyer – he’d said that when I was quite little …that I could be one of those. But I chose differently – food coop, clean houses, school bus driver, etc.
In 5th grade, I didn’t attend the special academy that all his work associates sent their kids to. I was socially awkward; it would have been a nightmare.
He changed toward me.
Later he didn’t like me talking on the phone to boys and I was …just a problem.
This is around the time I parted ways with God + Christianity – at 12 or 13.
For a long time there was no religion. Then I discovered the Goddess in my 30s and I spent quite a few years as a devotee. I was greatful to have Spirit firmly in my life again.
Other things lowered me in dad’s estimation and by the time I got pregnant with my 3rd child he said “Great – another kid to bail out of jail.” (I’m not going to explain, but he didn’t ever have to do that for me or my children.)
That was the beginning of the end of our relationship.
I was speaking to him again by the time I had a memory of sexual abuse 2 year later. I didn’t see a face, but I blamed my father and let him and my siblings know. He was never alone with any grandchild after that. Full story here.
And that was really it for me and my dad. Until he died.
Then I remembered more about his good sides …and saw more clearly. Not long after, I had a dream that I met Dad in a lovely dream. We were watching over my older daughter, as we both did when she was very little.
Then years later, during a healing process, I saw exactly who sexually abused me and it wasn’t him.
Meanwhile, I had come to peace with the male aspect of God. For many years I couldn’t even say or bear to hear the word God. At some point in recent years that was no longer the case.
This morning in my first silent meditation I was shown a family situation – deciding what to do when my sister abendoned her child. I did not want to be a parent at the time, but was the oldest. I thought we should let her go – be adopted. Until my father said he would raise her. I then said I would raise her. I thought so little of him that I would rather a stranger raise my neice than my father. This morning is the first time I can see how crazy that was – and the love for everyone came flooding in – my sister, my daughter, my father.
Listening to the Unity Breath meditation, I was able to connect with the Divine Father in a new and heartfelt way – bringing so much relief …and the release of tears …and the acdeptance of God’s love.
And I connected all these dots from the past.
Life is just amazing.
Also amazing is my recent understanding …that we have it all planned out before birth.
I want to give massive credit to my husband, my beloved sacred man – wonderful father and husband. I have finally opened my heart to trust him fully in the recent past as well. He is a pivotal catalyst for me in embracing ALL.
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LEI LEI SPEAKS
This message continues the thread of creating well-being through conscious change.
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My friend and ally Norlen sent me an interview with Drunvelo Melchizedeck a couple of weeks ago. I aways listen to what she sends, as she is a significant director of my pathway forward into greater light and wisdom.
I initially stated that he is in indegenous man, but this is not accurate, I apologize and have corrected my prior post. He has learned from and engaged with many Native American people, as well as indigenous people and others all over the world, but his ancestry is not known to me. (He was born Bernard Perona.)
Drunvalo is a man of great kindness and love. He has much to share and he shares it with everyone …in his books, his classes, and also for free on YouTube.
I am paying attention to this man because I feel myself drawn to his passion and because I feel my being expand in response to the knowledge he shares.
He has studied with many people who he was guided to seek out. Each one had wisdom to share, and this wisdom has all congealed into the knowledge that he shares with us.
There is so much.
Drunvalo Melchizedek is a fearless warrior of these times – not in the way of battle, but in the way of showing up humbly with courage, love, and commitment.
In one YouTube talk, he tells of a 3 year global mission to physically repair what is called the Christ Consciousness Grid that now encompasses the earth about 60 ft above us. This grid allows us to move from the Mind back to the Heart, paving the way for the salvation of humanity.
So much of what he has experienced is on this level of devotion and service.
I call him a warrior because of the way he lives his life, and because of his devotion and service to Mother Earth and to humanity as a whole.
He has a great deal to teach us.
He speaks of the Merkaba – our light body, which is surprisingly large – in a video that he provides on YouTube.
A teaching video about his life is below. It’s a bit long, but there is some outstanding content. He tells of his experience, offers practies and guidance, and you cannot help but see his soul and his devotion in each moment.
He developed the beautiful Unitly Breath meditation that I cannot recommend highly enough. I have been practicing it daily since I heard it last month, and each day it is more impactful. In 10 minutes, we are deeply connected with Mother Earth, Father Sky, and God. It is uplifting and moving.
https://youtu.be/CKy_uEj0mPY?si=xVPLJoywA5irkrEj
There are many more videos and he has written 5 books.
I feel I am taking a significant step forward in my personal and spiritual devvelopment through the offerings of this man. I cannot express my excitement and gratitude.
I am especially grateful for open access to the wisdom and knowledge that he provides. Many who are given or acheive this kind of sacred knowledge hold on tight and sell it – or just hold on tight.
Blessings to you in your journey forward.
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LEI LEI SPEAKS
This message offers guidance on a third aspect of creating well-being.
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I’ve been considering writing about this topic for some time.
But nobody talks about it. Especially at my age (70).
Which is one reason I feel compelled to write about it.
And …it’s sacred ….which is why I hesitate to bring forth my thoughts. Shouldn’t it be left for each person …or couple …to discover?
I’m opting to shine a light on this topic today. Here we go …
Background: I was sexually abused several times as a young child – by a relative who lived 1000 miles away. It was locked away in my sealed memory – until I found myself sexually shut down in my 30s and 40s. This was an aspect in the demise of my first marriage.
The love of my life showed up in my 50s. We were like teenagers for a moment in time.
The path ahead was thwarted by nature. Menopause.
Down the road a bit more I discovered that I had to find a lubricant.
I know. It’s getting to be too much, but if this is not known, misunderstandings abound, sex is painful, and …eventually over.
I remember approaching 60 and trying to find a book about sex that related to me. Aside from studies (Masters and Johnson) almost NOBODY wrote about it. I found an old book in the library written by an unmarried woman in Great Britain who had a weekly lover in her 60’s. I found it to be valuable; I knew sex could still exist.
Then in our late 60s came the loss of desire. Hormones no longer got us to the bedroom, and frequency was diminishing.
Somehow we decided to push through and make a weekly date.
Sex fell off after a while, but we pushed forward.
Then we both turned 70, and one night, after a rewarding evening, we decided to try for twice/week! We had been wondering how long we could sustain our practice, and then we suddenly felt we could. And we have been – for couple months now.
Here’s the hard part to tell, and possibly to hear:
We are both experiencing the best sex of our lives in the past months.
Twice each week we are experiencing a merged spriritual experience/journey. It has brought us significantly closer. The harmony, love and connection in our home is palpable.
I’m not saying sex is the only reason things have improved …but it might be.
It is certainly enhancing our lives, our sense of ourselves and each other as vibrant, capable, and thriving at this time of life …when we are experiencing new physical pains and challenges, forgetfulness, exhaustion …on the path of getting older.
We are also more vulnerable with each other – asking for help more easily, recognizing the need, pitching in when the load feels too much.
Of course it’s all based on TRUST.
We may not share every thought, but we do not fabricate.
We are real with each other, we speak mostly in kindness, watch out for each other, and allow the other to help.
We are living in a beautiful field of love at this time.
I have no idea how long we can/will sustain our sexual practice.
Not everyone has the same story; this is simply mine.
Blessings to all humans.
May you all push bravely into “old age,” keep moving physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, …and stay connected with trusted others, and with Spirit/Source/God.
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LEI LEI SPEAKS
This message offers guidance on another aspect of creating well-being.
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My life was all about my kids when they were little. I listended to them and hugged them and fed them the best food and spent time with them. I even got to homeschool them for 4 years.
But I just realized that these things were as much for me as for them.
I was a good role model to a large extent. I worked hard and didn’t lie. I didn’t allow them to hurt each other or tell jokes that were unkind. I took them on road trips and adventures and arranged play dates with other families. We spent a lot of time at the library.
But this morning in my meditation some things showed up for me that I did not do.
When my marriage fell apart for me, I didn’t recognize that my children’s entire family was falling apart. My children at this time were at a place where our family was the foundation of their lives.
Their dad was away a lot anyway as they were growing up, so I didn’t realize the loss they were navigating. And truly, he slowly drifted away from them. He did. He is not a bad man, but a man who had no father present for him and didn’t know how to be one. And a musician. He travels.
But I degress. I have discovered this morning how self-centered I have been. This has been changing in the past year or so, but the glimpse I had today was painful.
I have realized in the recent past that my version of being a wife was problematic. And I’ve improved, learned to be a true ally. Still working on it.
But I always thought my parenting was on a high level.
A truly present mother would realize that when you face this loss, divorce of your parents, that you would be suffering in a significant way. And that when another loss was on it’s heels you would need extra attention and comfort and maybe a heartfelt talk. I did not realize these things.
A better mother would provide a safe space for you when, a few years later, you faced another loss. But no. I put my own comfort first.
I was deceptive at another time so that I could be helpful to someone else.
Later, I forgot how to be a kind grandma with words and actions. I got overwhelmed and acted in a way toward my young grandson that I never would have acted toward my children at that age.
These things all returned to me this morning.
I have wondered why my child is so distant. Now I understand.
Of course I texted my child and shared a list of my follies.
Oh. Self-centered.
I will do better.
There may be more to reveal itself about who I have been, how I have navigated my life.
I know this is part of the path I am on.
It’s a hard day. There have been many tears. I have had to accept an aspect of myself that I have not been aware of, that I deeply regret.
In all honesty, this is the one of the fruits of being on a spiritual path
Increased connection with Spirit and self is deeply rewarding …but not always easy or what one might expect.
I am grateful for the truths that were shown to me today.
I will reap the benefits of this knowledge …in my future perception, choices, and ways of being.
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8 hummingbird way 