Tag: Sex at 70

Challenges and Blessings of Aging

by 8hummingbirdway

When I was a kid, I perceived my parents and anyone beyond 30 as “old.” Of course, I recognized that my grandparents were older than my parents, but …OLD pretty much summed it up for me.

Now I’m 70. My definition of old has changed with each decade.

Now I’m actually debating whether I want to live to 90 years old …or go for 100! (I know I don’t actually get to decide, but projecting in this way somehow pleases me.)

My son has asked that I go to the doctor for a cognitive test annually. This is understandable, since I do weird things such as meditate, shamanic journeys, and posting channeled videos. It can’t hurt (as long as I retain the ability to make decisions regarding my health), so I comply with his request.

I am learning to watch my step in a detailed way: How steep is it? Icy? What shoes am I wearing? No eating when I drive …in case my throat does that choking thing. (Chew thoroughly, never talking when food in mouth, don’t even breathe – depending on what is in your mouth.) Make sure my husband knows when I’ll be home and is aware of any safety concerns.

I am learning to pay more attention to what I eat and how my body responds to various foods.

I have learned to live with some pain, and to discern which pain is concerning.

I seek patterns of eating or exercise that might be helpful to the pain, my digestion, or my overall well-being.

I have more compassion for those who live on medications. So far, I am unencumbered in this way.

I never would have imagined that sex would be part of old people’s lives. (GROSS!)

My husband and I can each be annoying and we both need space from each other, but we recognize how fortunate we are to have each other at this point, to have real and vibrant affection for each other, trust each other, and to hold very few secrets.

The secrets we have are not the type that would devastate the other, but those that might indicate decline – a fall …forgetfulness …weakness …fear.

Usually we eventually share these things, especially as something even more challenging to discuss comes along.

We always make space in our heart and minds for what the other has to confide, even if our first response is not ideal.

We have 5 children between us, and we prioritize ALL of them. And grandchildren, of course.

We love being home, together. (This was not always true.)

We enjoy cards and board games and puzzles. We experiment in the kitchen.

We share with each other what we are reading/learning about.

We accept the preferences of the other regarding what to watch on TV, which neighbors they like, what the other thinks about world events, what they want to eat, do …sleeping patterns, etc.

We used to bike and hike together, now one of us bikes and the other walks. I suppose we are more independent …along with being more dependent.

This business of acceptance and independence has been a gradual shift.

I want to restate how lucky we both feel that we have each other – a caring person to trust and to share chores with, a companion, an ally, a partner, a beloved other. This is the main thing.

There is a LOT less time with children – especially when grandkids come along.

I understand that many people enjoy a solitary independence. I’m sure there are benefits to totally directing one’s own life. I consider that sometimes, when my husband annoys me.

We both focus on kindness.

I am a lucky one in my choice. I am not sure it’s wisdom. Fate, perhaps.

I wouldn’t trade him in for the world.

I envision well-being and the company of my husband for a long time to come.

I do believe that the absence of fear is a powerful thing, helping me to create my best reality.

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Sex

by 8hummingbirdway

I’ve been considering writing about this topic for some time.

But nobody talks about it. Especially at my age (70).

Which is one reason I feel compelled to write about it.

And …it’s sacred ….which is why I hesitate to bring forth my thoughts. Shouldn’t it be left for each person …or couple …to discover?

I’m opting to shine a light on this topic today. Here we go …

Background: I was sexually abused several times as a young child – by a relative who lived 1000 miles away. It was locked away in my sealed memory – until I found myself sexually shut down in my 30s and 40s. This was an aspect in the demise of my first marriage.

The love of my life showed up in my 50s. We were like teenagers for a moment in time.

The path ahead was thwarted by nature. Menopause.

Down the road a bit more I discovered that I had to find a lubricant.

I know. It’s getting to be too much, but if this is not known, misunderstandings abound, sex is painful, and …eventually over.

I remember approaching 60 and trying to find a book about sex that related to me. Aside from studies (Masters and Johnson) almost NOBODY wrote about it. I found an old book in the library written by an unmarried woman in Great Britain who had a weekly lover in her 60’s. I found it to be valuable; I knew sex could still exist.

Then in our late 60s came the loss of desire. Hormones no longer got us to the bedroom, and frequency was diminishing.

Somehow we decided to push through and make a weekly date.

Sex fell off after a while, but we pushed forward.

Then we both turned 70, and one night, after a rewarding evening, we decided to try for twice/week! We had been wondering how long we could sustain our practice, and then we suddenly felt we could. And we have been – for couple months now.

Here’s the hard part to tell, and possibly to hear:

We are both experiencing the best sex of our lives in the past months.

Twice each week we are experiencing a merged spriritual experience/journey. It has brought us significantly closer. The harmony, love and connection in our home is palpable.

I’m not saying sex is the only reason things have improved …but it might be.

It is certainly enhancing our lives, our sense of ourselves and each other as vibrant, capable, and thriving at this time of life …when we are experiencing new physical pains and challenges, forgetfulness, exhaustion …on the path of getting older.

We are also more vulnerable with each other – asking for help more easily, recognizing the need, pitching in when the load feels too much.

Of course it’s all based on TRUST.

We may not share every thought, but we do not fabricate.

We are real with each other, we speak mostly in kindness, watch out for each other, and allow the other to help.

We are living in a beautiful field of love at this time.

I have no idea how long we can/will sustain our sexual practice.

Not everyone has the same story; this is simply mine.

Blessings to all humans.

May you all push bravely into “old age,” keep moving physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, …and stay connected with trusted others, and with Spirit/Source/God.

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