I have recently come to understand that dreams are messages from the soul.
When I was 17, in my senior year of high school, I fell in love with another senior. I’ll call him P. We were waiting for college decisions, and after the summer we went our separate ways. We stayed in touch, and after one semester, we both dropped out with the intention of taking a year off, then attending a school across the country together. We lived at my perents for a while, then moved to his parents house. I was crazy about him. Completely happy. We had a dog and planted a big garden, got jobs, and then he told me he wanted me to move out. He was done with our relationship …because I didn’t want to have sex often enough. No conversation or discussion, just please move out.
Long story short, this was the heartbreak of my life. I carried this hurt everywhere I went …through my first marriage, and into my 2nd. Not that I pined away 20 + 30 + 40 years later, but …it was there, the pain, the not measuring up, the abandonment. And he was still a symbol of loss duing the healing meditations I worked with last year.
A couple days ago I got up in the middle of the night and wrote down a dream in my dream journal. When I read it 2 days later, I had no memory of it. This morning during my channeling session, I read it for interpretation.
“P was in the dream. He was nearby at a college, and I was trying to connect with him, looking for a while, tracing him, and finding an empty room, an empty chair. Finally, I caught up with him and made a plan, then wavered. I realized the pain it would bring my husband. I don’t really ever want anyone else. I ran into P to talk, but he didn’t want to talk, just wanted sex. I avoided it, managed to lie with him, sleep, and then he was gone. Later, I didn’t show up. There was longing, but relief, too.”
Ah, yes, we do understand this message. Final release, and choice to release this man who wounded you early in your life, who you felt fully aligned with, and yet were disappointing to him, and he did not have the ability to discuss it, sort it out, simply to turn away. That was so painful and such a loss for you at that time, and it haunted you for many years, and now you have a love with your husband that goes beyond what you could have possibly had with this other man, and you know it, and it has been a long wait for this love and this deep connection, and you are aware of this, and you turn away from anything else in your life that would harm him, harm your connection, and you simply are present for your partner.
This is a good message. Thank you. I love the message, and I align with it. It feels very true. I’m happy to finally release this wound from the past.
This is great. Thank you. That is wonderful.
And so I am free! After such a long time.
I don’t know why it took so long. I have healed my relationships with my parents and others who hurt or disappointed me in the course of this life. Even close others who simply judged me and vanished. I can’t think of anyone else who impacted me so deeply and gave me such a low sense of my worth in this life.
I suppose the strong love I have in my current marriage tips the balance toward release.
I don’t hate P or wish him harm. I trust that he showed up to provide a challenge for me that I had to navigate in order to be who I am. And to provide understanding of others …and I probably won’t fully understand in this life.
Finally, I say goodbye to P.
Gratefully.
To reach me for shamanic healing or channeled healing, information, or even dream analysis, email me at 8hummingbirdway@gmail .com
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