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A session of energy work; Blessing and Change

by 8hummingbirdway

Last week I had a session with a trusted healer and friend, G.

Energy work is something I don’t fully understand. I know it includes balancing chakras, the intuition of the healer, and the trust of the client. In my experience with the person I work with, it includes the guidance of spiritual beings.

I also know it has brought me significant healing – physical, emotional, spiritual, + mental.

I don’t always have a specific reason for making an appointment for energy work. It had been a few months, and I felt it was time.

This time I started by letting G know that I had fallen and hurt my knee the day before, so it might be sensitive. She asked about the incident and I told her I had been walking in the dark around my neighborhood and that when took a step with my right foot, I suddenly felt there was no ground under my foot, and I tumbled. I also mentioned that this experience felt very similar to an experience I had in Uganda in February on my trip to Africa. The new wound was within an inch of the scar from that injury.

G asked me about the feeling of the ground not being beneath me. Was there anything that tied the 2 events together?

Thinking back to February, I remembered that this was a day when my son and I had had a falling out. I had flown a very long way to meet him, was exhausted, and that first afternoon he felt I said the something unsupportive. I felt disconnected and didn’t know what to do or say to make things ok between us.

Interestingly, I had had a falling out with my younger daughter on a visit north – about a week before my recent fall, which resulted in her not speaking to me for a few days.

My connection with my 3 children are definitely part of the ground I stand on. Being a mom and being in harmony with them, supportive, present when called upon – these are deeply important to me.

I shared a lot of thoughts and feelings about all this with G verbally, and after a while she encouraged me to leave the realm of words …and be more present for myself, to connect with my heart as she worked.

After a bit I came back to talking as she worked – about the blessing of having children and how it was one of the richest times in my life, being in that time of bringing forth life and being engaged with love and being the center of my children’s world …and just all the blessing! And now having adult children who no longer look at me at that way (naturally), and don’t really have a significant need for me in their lives (or so it seems to me).

G told me then that her guides had a message for me – that when a person agrees to give birth to a child they also agree to have their heart broken. 

This felt profoundly true to me. I closed my eyes, and saw an ocean of loss before me. Just gentle shaded waves of loss.

The tears came for a while.

Later in our session, G passed on the message that when your heart is fully broken, the door is open for things to come back into balance with your child.

I wept the next day as well and then absorbed myself in tasks. The next morning my daughter, nearby again, reached out to me and asked if I’d like to take a walk. We did walk, and had a harmonious connection. I kept in mind the fact that she is having a hard time right now and she does not need my needs or concerns or judgment regarding how she is handling things.

I find myself hoping my heart has been fully broken …I can find a new balance with her.

I wonder the same in relation to my son. Things have shifted with him; have I arrived?

I know I have crossed that bridge with my oldest daughter. Once my greatest challenge, she is now one of my closest allies in this life.

I am grateful for this new understanding and for moving forward toward being supportive, toward increased blessing, balance, and love.

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Recent Changes

by 8hummingbirdway

I have shared previously that I have been engaged with a healing process called Soul Convergence. I am nearing the end of the process, for which I am grateful. It has been deeply demanding.

It has been a powerful healing which has brought much to me – wisdom, comfort, ease, trust, self-love, harmony. I have been deeply engaged with this process and it has changed my life and my pathway forward, bringing me into closer alignment with my soul.

I have learned a couple of important things through dream analysis, which is provided 8 times over the 5 months of engagement with this work.

I have learned that our souls communicate to us by way of dreams.

One of the most significant things I learned from my dream analysis is that I arrived in this life with a soul agreement to become a channeler. This means that I promised to make myself available to disembodied being(s) – to bring forth information, messages, healing – much as my friend Norlen does.

The difference is that Norlen always wanted to channel, and I had a good deal of resistance to this. However, after repeated messages over the months, I opened my mind and heart and began to accept this mission and learn more about it.

For the past 4 or 5 weeks I have been channeling on my own (asking questions and receiving answers). Many of the answers have been extremely helpful to me – in understanding others around me, in making choices of how to respond to challenges, and so on.

Twice I have channeled for friends. (It’s interesting and challenging to get my own personality out of the way!)

The being I am channeling is named Lei Lei. They are a being that contains Quan Yin, my guardian angel Paula (feminine aspect of Paulo), the Spirit of Love and Generosity and other loving beings that have not (yet) been identified to me.

I have had a longtime (30 years) connection with Quan Yin (which can be spelled in various ways). She is a goddess of love, compassion and mercy. I am obviously closely aligned with my guardian angel as well, although I have only recently become aware of her. I am told that all the beings that make up Lei Lei are closely aligned with me, and for this I am grateful – and feel deeply honored.

It’s uncomfortable to share this information, but it is my work to do so.

It’s also exciting!

My children and my husband and a few trusted others know.

Now I am sharing this information here.

I hope to follow with some channeled information in the future.

Thank you for receiving this information in the highest and best way possible.

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Patterns

by 8hummingbirdway

I have discovered many patterns within myself recently. Patterns I don’t like. Patterns I am ashamed to carry.

They keep showing up one by one.

It’s part of what occurs during the healing process I am on called Soul Convergence. I wrote about this in July, when I was 3 weeks into the journey. Now, in October, I have several weeks to go and I cannot imagine each time I receive a new guided meditation, where it will bring me.

The process contains more than I can describe. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is profound and deep and healing. An amazing amount of love is provided by the Angels who support the process.

It is also exhausting on some level that I don’t understand. I am simply spending about an hour each day listening and opening to the messages …but I am navigating a great deal internally.

As well as love and healing, I am confronted with myself, over and over, more and more deeply. Recognition of patterns I have carried show up during the meditations, in my dreams, and in my behavior. I suppose I am seeing with different eyes these days.

In my last post I wrote about recognizing a pattern of judgement – and speaking about another in a disparaging way about their choices in parenting.

I have also recognized that I have had trouble letting go of what is past – people, ideas, feelings.

I learned that I have interfered in the lives of others. I haven’t been about to mind my own business.

I noticed that I have carried a tendency of thinking I know what everyone ELSE should do, even if I haven’t said anything.

I’ve discovered that I shared what people have said about others with those others – without even realizing it.

I have realize that I act like a spoiled brat sometimes.

I have seen myself being lazy, selfish, and judgmental.

This has all been deeply upsetting and difficult. But I’ve come to understand that this is part of the path I’ve chosen and I have learned to navigate each instance within a few hours, to make a different choice more aligned with the integrity I WANT to align with, and to return to balance fairly quickly.

Making a different choice helps me to release the pattern …and activate a new way of being.

I am happy to say that my family still loves me. They did even before I learned these things about myself. Not that they want to hear about all this. I get that. We all have our own paths.

I am looking forward to landing on my feet after this Soul Convergence.

Next month I will see who I am.

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Judging another’s way

by 8hummingbirdway

Recently I spoke with someone close to me about another person (I’ll call him B) and his interactions with her grandchildren that were problematic and concerning for her. At some point in the conversation, I shared with her some faults I had perceived in B’s childrearing in the past.

Later in the day, my words came back to me. I felt uncomfortable about my words that judged B’s way of parenting his child. Why did I feel it would be helpful to share my negative perception of him (and his wife)?

I have to say that I don’t think I was trying to be helpful at all.

It feels, looking back, that I was attempting to gain attain additional closeness with the person I was speaking to by aligning against someone else. This is a pattern I experienced in high school that was toxic and mean-spirited.

The conversation and my part in it kept returning to me, and I eventually reached out to my close friend and shared my self perception, apologizing. This didn’t really accomplish much, but she understood.

And I recognized a behavior within myself that I want to change.

I realized, after further thought, that this was a direct reflection of something that had occurred in my past. A friend of mine didn’t approve of my parental choices when I was having challenges with my oldest daughter in her teenage years. She kept telling me that she would lay down the law and correct the situation. I was more lenient in my response, trying to allow some freedom to my growing daughter. My friend (who had no teenagers) did not let up and eventually got 2 other friends involved with her opinion. Eventually she arranged a meeting and she told me that they (collectively) could not support my parenting any longer. I walked away from that meeting after that first sentence and she actually ended our friendship then next day, which was deeply painful for me.

Shortly afterward, in sharing my experience with another, I was told firmly that my children are my children to raise. That the spirits who come as children to us have come to us in clarity of choice, knowing what they will contend with in us, and what kind of parents we would be likely to be, who we truly are. I liked her words, because they exonerated me from doing wrong with my daughter. I felt I stood on more solid ground with this concept.

But now here I am, on the other side of the fence – speaking judgmentally toward B. Not even having the courage or integrity to speak to him myself about it. Never having said a thing to either him or his wife as I witnessed, with some level of discomfort, parenting “errors” over the years. And I spoke to others about them back then – others who knew the family and who may have been influenced by my thoughts in a negative way.

All of this feels terrible. I would like to be a different person that the one I have been in the past …as recent as last week.

I know we all grow and change. I don’t feel it would be helpful or kind at this point to share the way I behaved in relation to B. All I can really do is recognize this behavior within myself and make a different choice in the future.

To be clear, B was not harming his child. He was simply making a different parental decision than I would.

I have more to say about changing patterns.

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A gift to me

by 8hummingbirdway

I moved to a new house last summer in a new town – about half an hour from my beloved dream home in the Catskills. (It got too steep for us.)

We’re in a small charming village and it feels right. There are fun town events, a music venue, a few decent restaurants, and a community garden.

I missed my walks for the first year – in the woods, on the streets, up the hills. Somehow I just wasn’t keeping up with walking.

About 2 months ago a new person moved in across the street from me.

She grew up in the house and had been away for work, raising a daughter, and for the past year she was in the Peace Corps. Recently she had been renting the house out as an Airbnb, but now she has come home to settle in.

She is funny and lively and she likes the Fall and she likes to keep busy.

She sees the world much like I do … and she likes to walk!

It’s lovely to have a friend to walk with. I’m walking much more than I used to. Long walks up a nearby hill and walks through the village. Walks early in the morning and walks in the dark.

I’m deeply grateful for this turn of events.

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The Way of a Warrior

by 8hummingbirdway

My understanding of walking the path of Warrior comes from many years of life and observation. I first became conscious of the role of Warrior during my shamanic training, and I began to notice people in my life who show me the Warrior aspect.

They are few. Some see the Warrior path, and this is a first step.

I don’t know that my definition of Warrior aligns with the definition of others.

A warrior is a person of integrity and self-knowledge and wisdom.

A warrior has no need of deception or pretense.

A warrior might experience fear.

Facing truth is critical.

Courage is sometimes required when a warrior sees truth.

S/he might chose action.

S/he might or might not choose confrontation or action. Sometimes silence and forbearance is the way forward.

A warrior adapts to changing conditions (including disappointment and hardship and betrayal) without sacrificing integrity.

A Warrior is often a person of few words.

A warrior honors his/her body and spirit.

A warrior honors all others, including human, animal, plant, earth and other elements (air, fire, water).

A warrior recognizes his/her alignment and connection with a higher power.

A warrior develops practices over time as a result of who s/he discovers herself to be.

A warrior is clear about his/her intentions.

Sometimes uncertainty exists, and a situation must show itself over time.

Sometimes the action to take is immediately known and obvious.

When the way forward shows itself, a warrior does not back down from it.

Some misunderstand the Warrior, thinking that his/her inner strength means s/he must forego tenderness. This is not accurate.

The Warrior strives to be true to him/herself in all moments.

It’s possible to fail at times on this path …and still to sustain the choice to walk the path of Warrior.

We are all human, and the path of the Warrior is a practice.

Some qualities and results of the Warrior’s path are clarity, focus, determination, courage, constancy, respect, and a a love of life itself.

Exploring the Warrior side of yourself is one way to expand your reality.

If this intrigues you, you may want to start to practice mindfulness.

You may want to consider what it means to you to meet life’s challenges with a spirit that does not waver.

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Changing Patterns

by 8hummingbirdway

I have recently been engaged with a powerful healing program (called Soul Convergence – provided by Anne Tucker) that has allowed me to change my ways. Instead of arguing or raising my voice I have developed the ability to remain calm or simply restrain from response. Of course this is not the answer to every problem, but it has been a huge challenge for me to keep my own counsel, not to allow the opinions or criticisms of others to move me to a defensive position and to throw words back. It has been a long pattern, and I am deeply grateful.

The relief is palpable within me. Remaining calm and present was simply not available to me in the past. Now my most “difficult” loved ones are hearing me, and we arrive at understanding and peace much more quickly. (Sometimes we never did in the past.). AND I see corresponding changes within them – which makes me doubly blessed.

This morning I found this lesson in my email and I want to share it with you, as it aligns with my experience in this area.

Same Choices, Same Results:

Repeated bouts of adversity are an unavoidable aspect of human existence. We battle against our inner struggles or outer world forces, and in many cases, we emerge on the opposite side of the struggle stronger and better equipped to cope with the challenges yet to come. However, we can occasionally encounter trials that seem utterly hopeless. We strike at them with all of our creativity and perseverance, hoping desperately to bring about change, only to meet with the same results as always. Often, our first instinct in such situations is to push harder against the seemingly immovable obstruction before us, assuming that this time we will be met with a different outcome. But staying power and stamina net us little when the same choices consistently garner the same results. A change in perspective, behavior, or response can do so much more to help us move past points where no amount of effort seems sufficient to overcome the difficulties before us.

Whether our intention is to change ourselves or some element of the world around us, we cannot simply wish for transformation or hope that our lives will be altered through circumstance. If our patterns of thought and behavior remain unchanged, our lives will continue to unfold much as they have previously. Patterns in which fruitless efforts prevail can be overcome with self examination and courage. It is our bravery that allows us to question the choices we have made thus far and to channel our effort into innovation. Asking questions and making small adjustments to your thought processes and behaviors will help you discover what works, so you can leave that which does not work behind you. To break free from those unconscious patterns that have long held sway over your actions and reactions, you will likely have to challenge your assumptions on a most basic level. You must accept once and for all that your beliefs with regard to cause and effect may no longer be in accordance with your needs.

Stagnation is often a sign that great changes are on the horizon. Courting the change you wish to see in yourself and in the world around you is a matter of acknowledging that only change begets change. The results you so ardently want to realize are well within the realm of possibility, and you need only step away from the well-worn circular path to explore the untried paths that lie beyond it.

This teaching was offered by DailyOM at https://www.dailyom.com/inspiration

I am hoping to assist others in the way of healing that I have recently been able to access, called Soul Convergence. It’s origin is with the Angelic realm. If you are interested, contact me here.

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Simply smile

by 8hummingbirdway

One of the best ways to use your power is to smile.

Faces transform into light when one smiles, and this light sometimes transforms others, both witnesses and recipients of your smile.

I love smiling at others when my inner light feels bright. Usually I receive the gift of a return smile.

In the supermarket, on the street, at the doctor’s office, others are open to your smile.

If you feel you want to connect further – complement earrings or the colors they are wearing or their hair style or color.

“You look great in that red!”

“I love your hair, who does it?”

Oh dear! As I write this, I realize these suggestions are mostly of a female nature!

A man might be more comfortable asking advice about where to find something in the supermarket along with that smile? Because those compliments are mostly for women – and can be misunderstood.

[This surprises me – to discover that I think I am writing about/for people and find I’m writing about/for only half the population. ]

A man can still simply smile.

There is power in a smile, the best kind of power – freely and generously given, without expectation.

Your smile might change the world.

Sometimes a friendship might follow, but mostly you are simply offering a small form of love or high regard for your fellow human (or animal).

I know that if others smile at me, I am lifted.

This holds great value – and power.

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Power Over

by 8hummingbirdway

We all carry power which impacts others and our world.

Whether one is praying, participating in intentional ritual, taking other action, or simply thinking thoughts, others or energies around us or them, can be impacted.

One thing that is important to know when using your power is what is helping and what is not.

In general, I would say that prayer is positive.

In my experience, the best kind of prayer is gratitude and asking for wisdom or help for self or others. This help could be good health, personal balance, protection, blessing, etc.

I feel it should not involve specific others acting as you would prefer. This goes into the zone of “power over.”

Power over means “I want my child to get good grades” or even “be happy.”

Power over means “Please make him (or her) love me.”

More extreme examples of power over are wishing or causing harm to come to others.

These hopes and wishes and actions are controlling of the destiny or lives of others.

The person you perceive as bad or negative may be on the verge of healing or a realization that will move him/her forward in a positive way. Or you may not know everything about them. They may carry heavy burdens or carry deep injuries within.

We do not know the path of another in this life. Our idea of what is best may not be what is best for another. Perhaps our child has an amazing destiny, and the hardship or challenge they face today provides a lesson that they need to arrive in their future as they must.

A better prayer would be to ask for the wisdom and ability to assist them navigate this situation.

Perhaps the specific sweetheart you wish for is not what will further your path in the best way. Another may be just around the corner who will lead you forward toward your best future. Or perhaps s/he will introduce you to something or someone that will bring you to harm.

A better prayer would be to ask for patience and discernment in finding someone you can share your life with.

At one point in my life, on my spiritual path, I became interested in what it meant to be a Witch. I knew that those who were persecuted in Europe several hundred years ago have been called Witches, and that they were in truth people who practiced Earth-based spirituality that were undesirable by those in power.

I read some books and met some people that identified in this way. I became familiar with the terms White Witch and Black Witch. I came to understand that White Witches were essentially healers of self/others and lovers of the Earth. I met a few people who were or knew others who identified as Black Witches. These people sought power that they could use to make things as they wished, attempting to control and manipulate others to gain money and power and “love” – sometimes actually to bring others to harm.

Over time I came to be uncomfortable with this designation of “Witch,” and to steer clear of it. I did not want to identify myself in a way that was vague in regards to calling forth wellbeing or harm.

Unless asked, I do not involve myself in wishing, acting, or even praying on behalf of others’ lives.

I hope to write more about power. We all have it.

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Presence

by 8hummingbirdway

This is an unusual trait for an adult.

Children are amazingly present to each moment. Perhaps this is my favorite aspect of children.

I totally enjoy children. They are honest and wise and full of wonder.

I don’t have any little ones in my life right now. I thought retirement would be all about children, but this has not been the case.

I have faith that they will show up when the time is right.

I realized recently that my children are all very present much of the time. This is good news. I must have played a part in this trait showing up in all 3 of them.

Presence could be defined as a lack of distraction.

When you are with a present person, they are right there, aware of you, sensing your being, your feelings, your presence.

Part of presence is paying attention.

I am fortunate to have several friends who carry presence.

I would like to be more present myself. Mostly I think I do well, but I can be lost in distractions at times. Internally.

It has been some time since I had a meditation practice, but when I did, it brought me to a place where I had a more empty and attentive mind. When I stacked the wood, I stacked the wood. When I washed the dishes, I washed the dishes.

I guess that’s the way I honed my ability to be present.

Also parenting; the children needed my presence and attention.

As adults, we still need presence and attention. Sometimes it is hard to find.

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