Losing my Balance

I have been working so hard on sustaining balance, on not even thinking negatively about others, on not being judgemental. For what seems like a very long time, I have been engaged in healing my past, meditating daily, walking, practicing Qigong, parcticing humility, serving others, focusing on being kind, focusing on simple tasks.

And it has improved my life. I feel balanced and happy and more confident …most of the time. I take pride in the new me. I am deeply grateful.

And the world has opened up in new ways.

However …it seems that life is still offering up regular challenges …so I can know from time to time that I haven’t truly arrived anywhere.

This morning, I was unable to navigate a family member’s hostility toward me regarding a trivial matter.

I was told that I made a mistake. I didn’t think I had, but then I realized that I was at fault, and I apologized. There was discussion of details and the person’s tone became hostile and they swore.

I had sustained humility until that point, but then I was triggered.

I raized my voice, upset.

I was accused of yelling.

And then the conversation went downhill on both sides for a few minutes until I became quiet. I was able to stop responding, which took a great deal of effort and restraint.

We disconnected.

I was still upset with the other person, but more upset with myself.

How could I land here after so much work …and so much commitment?

My meditation was a joke. I could not stay present.

Being imperfect is just not enjoyable.

And yes, I realize the ridiculousness of that sentence. I’m going to be sustaining imperfection for life.

How do I navigate it?

Simple tasks help.

There is still time to regain my sense of self.

Thank you LIFE (or ego) for letting me know – again – how much work there is to do.

I don’t know that I will ever arrive, but I will continue to walk the path.

I suppose these triggering events help me to sustain my work toward overall balance and wellbeing.

Would you like to get blog posts sent directly to your email inbox? Subscribe below.

Presence

This is an unusual trait for an adult.

Children are amazingly present to each moment. Perhaps this is my favorite aspect of children.

I totally enjoy children. They are honest and wise and full of wonder.

I don’t have any little ones in my life right now. I thought retirement would be all about children, but this has not been the case.

I have faith that they will show up when the time is right.

I realized recently that my children are all very present much of the time. This is good news. I must have played a part in this trait showing up in all 3 of them.

Presence could be defined as a lack of distraction.

When you are with a present person, they are right there, aware of you, sensing your being, your feelings, your presence.

Part of presence is paying attention.

I am fortunate to have several friends who carry presence.

I would like to be more present myself. Mostly I think I do well, but I can be lost in distractions at times. Internally.

It has been some time since I had a meditation practice, but when I did, it brought me to a place where I had a more empty and attentive mind. When I stacked the wood, I stacked the wood. When I washed the dishes, I washed the dishes.

I guess that’s the way I honed my ability to be present.

Also parenting; the children needed my presence and attention.

As adults, we still need presence and attention. Sometimes it is hard to find.

Would you like to get blog posts sent directly to your email inbox? Subscribe below.

Daily Practice

One of the best things I do for my personal wellbeing is to connect with God/Spirit/Source every day. For me, this is often first thing upon awakening. It sets the tone for the day and renews my deepest intentions. 

It’s kind of like a visit with my best friend. 

Actually, it IS a visit to my best friend .. and biggest supporter.

An altar can be as simple as a candle that you light to symbolize or enact this connection. Or sage to burn. Or water to anoint yourself. Or a stone to hold.

I have all of these present on my altar because I am oriented in an earth-based tradition where the simplest aspects of spirituality are earth, air, fire, and water. We all carry these 4 elements in this physical realm we inhabit.

Over time, other items have come to sit on and near my altar – small photos of my most beloved ones, reminders of my helping spirits, symbols of my ancestors, seashells + feathers, and reminder notes about how to navigate my life.

I realize as I write this, that my time at the altar IS prayer. The presence of the 4 elements and other items make it stand apart from what I have thought of as prayer. But it is the same action – being present to the spirit within and the source beyond. 

Anything can be spokenor expressed here at my altar …gratitude, requests, intentions. Also songs are sung.

Gratitude – I give thanks daily for my life and for the present day, for my loved ones and my home, for my ancestors who walked this earth before me and brought me forth. I give thanks also, as I am moved, for spiritual support, for opportunities, experiences, teachings, etc.

Requests – I ask for protection, transformation, healing, release, expansion, alignment with my soul, opportunity to help, 

Intentions are woven into my requests – to walk a path of service and humility, to be more aware, to navigate life with love and generosity, to be present and open, etc.

If you are stepping onto a new path of connection with God/Spirit/Source, or if you want to strengthen the path you are already on, you may find a daily practice of your own creation to be a help to you.

Would you like to get blog posts sent directly to your email inbox? Subscribe below.