Tag: Disappointment

Intervention? Possession?

by 8hummingbirdway

After we sat down to talk, a family member asked me a question about channeling …why I channel only one entity or being.

I explained that I don’t make the rules of this channeling experience. I follow guidance with humility, and I have chosen to trust this path I am on.

I could, however, channel others. I did, one day, early on. But I wasn’t overly interested. My mission seems to be expressing the thoughts of Lei Lei, and that is enough for me.

Then they expressed concern that Lei Lei was “attached” to me.

I felt they were saying I was possessed, and they were attempting to conduct an intervention.

I walked away in some level of irritation. I was short of sleep and had had a deeply difficult experience the day before in a “healing session.”

When invited out to the porch, I had not been privy to the fact that there was a specific intention of questioning me regarding my channeling.

Maybe I overreacted. It seems I did.

The questioner at one point stated that they felt they were talking to Lei Lei, not to me; I was responding in irritation.

I truly don’t recall what exactly happened or was said after I walked away from the porch and before I left the house. I was exhausted and upset. I remember expressing displeasure as I gathered my belongings and packed my bags. I might have raised my voice. I remember telling my travelling companions I would buy them a plane ticket if I decided to head home early.

This person asking the questions has never asked Lei Lei a question or read a message from them – perhaps has watched a video.

That’s fine. I don’t expect everyone to be on board, and I am certain it’s challenging to have words come out of a family member’s mouth that originate elsewhere.

However, I am still myself. Every day, every conversation, I am the speaker …unless I reach out to Lei Lei intentionally.

As a shamanic practitioner, I have successfully assisted others with possession. One of the recipients of that assistance was on the team of questioners.

A couple of things about the dynamics with Lei Lei annoyed me in the beginning, but I have never experienced them speaking in a casual conversation as if they were me – or interfering in my relationships or life choices.

I went out on an errand. I thought about heading home, but I returned with regained composure after about an hour. We spent a quiet evening together in peace, if not complete harmony. I headed out early the next day, as planned.

I called one of the people from the porch meeting a couple of weeks later to chat. After a few minutes, I asked if there was anything from the time of my recent visit that needed resolution. I was told I was not to talk about channeling. I said I was willing and able to answer questions. I reminded them that I was in a depleted and unsettled state on that day because of known events of the day before, and due to lack of sleep. I was told they would hang up if I continued discussing it …even though I was only discussing the possibility of answering questions.

However, that door is closed for now.

I was told by my friend Norlen, who channels Sri Pune, that it is difficult for family members to accept or understand channeling.

I do understand the difficulty.

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Losing my Balance

by 8hummingbirdway

I have been working so hard on sustaining balance, on not even thinking negatively about others, on not being judgemental. For what seems like a very long time, I have been engaged in healing my past, meditating daily, walking, practicing Qigong, parcticing humility, serving others, focusing on being kind, focusing on simple tasks.

And it has improved my life. I feel balanced and happy and more confident …most of the time. I take pride in the new me. I am deeply grateful.

And the world has opened up in new ways.

However …it seems that life is still offering up regular challenges …so I can know from time to time that I haven’t truly arrived anywhere.

This morning, I was unable to navigate a family member’s hostility toward me regarding a trivial matter.

I was told that I made a mistake. I didn’t think I had, but then I realized that I was at fault, and I apologized. There was discussion of details and the person’s tone became hostile and they swore.

I had sustained humility until that point, but then I was triggered.

I raized my voice, upset.

I was accused of yelling.

And then the conversation went downhill on both sides for a few minutes until I became quiet. I was able to stop responding, which took a great deal of effort and restraint.

We disconnected.

I was still upset with the other person, but more upset with myself.

How could I land here after so much work …and so much commitment?

My meditation was a joke. I could not stay present.

Being imperfect is just not enjoyable.

And yes, I realize the ridiculousness of that sentence. I’m going to be sustaining imperfection for life.

How do I navigate it?

Simple tasks help.

There is still time to regain my sense of self.

Thank you LIFE (or ego) for letting me know – again – how much work there is to do.

I don’t know that I will ever arrive, but I will continue to walk the path.

I suppose these triggering events help me to sustain my work toward overall balance and wellbeing.

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Deception, Confusion and Disappointment in Myself

by 8hummingbirdway

Yesterday I woke thinking about about the post I wrote the day before, the one that showed up before this, called “The Wounded Father.” I felt, as I scheduled it, that I should read it again. But I didn’t. The day was busy.

I also had a dream that night that showed I had been or was being deceptive. And then I realized that it was about my post.

The post cast a negative shadow on another person, a person I care about. A person who is doing his best, like most of us.

He will not read the post, nor will his children, who inspired the post.

I thought about removing the post , but this seems cowardly …like sweeping things under the rug. I don’t like doing that. [the post was removed on 7/21/25]

I will remove it eventually, maybe next week. But first I want to lay myself bare …to the best of my ability.

I don’t quite understand the word …deceptive. I exposed some aspects of a person and his upbringing in some detail …then I went into a discussion of the plight of the male, something I have wanted to write about, have started to write about in the past. But I left out aspects that I beleive are important, skimming over the topic, leaving a pretense of having addressed it – and him – with wisdom and understanding.

So I guess that’s it. The word “pretense” makes it clear to me. A version of deception.

The post also lacks qualities I try to bring forth – like inspiration, or shining a light on something, or offering resolution, understanding. It was an attempt that should have been reworked or discarded.

I have been wanting to write more, but not in this way. Each message must have clarity, purpose, integrity …reflecting my truth.

I do want to thank the reader that commented positively on the post. I was glad it had some value for her. And I agree with her – that things are changing for the better.

Blessings,

Annie

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