Tag: Forbearance

My Personal Obstacles to Wellbeing

by 8hummingbirdway

I wrote recently about addiction and mental illness. My personal path has not been as profoundly marked with these specific challenges as others, although both have significantly impacted my life. I have had some experiences which bring me to a level of understanding of others’ paths.

We can be waylaid for a decades by something we perceive as an obstacle – to realize later in life that it can be sidestepped and become a teaching, a strength. This feels like my story, but I’m not even sure how to name the obstacle. There were various aspects to my obstacle – family disharmony, sexual abuse, physical abuse, patterns of deception + betrayal, lack of spiritual or ethical guidance, favoritism – they all resulted in “low  self-esteem”, “codependency”, and other catch-phrases of my generation that are true and yet don’t quite reach the core of what was at play in my psyche. 

I am ”fortunate” in having sugar be my addiction, along with patterns of behavior, misunderstandings, and fear. Cane sugar addiction has been the external substance that has been “enemy” in my life. Both of my parents were diabetic and I recognized the danger in my 20s, but did not fully conquer it until this current decade, my 60s. It seems so small compared to drug and alcohol addictions, and it is. However, it impaired my health, my clarity, my balance and my state of mind. It was an impactful substance to my wellbeing on multiple levels.

Unlike more impactful addictions, sugar didn’t stop me from having a stable family, being a loving parent, holding down a job, or coming to love myself.

The teaching, the strength that resulted in having these challenges, is still at play. I am still learning humility, service and forbearance. These are the answers for me. Stop focusing on self and focus outward. What can I do to be of help? It sounds preachy as I write it, but in truth is has been such a help to me to learn to focus less on self (woe is me!) and look for the proper tasks to do that move me forward and make me a contributing member of my household, my family, my community. This includes a focus on gratitude.

My spiritual search helped mitigate my imbalance and brought me eventually to greater wellbeing, for which I am eternally grateful. It is the basis of my love and generosity, which calls me to the blessed path of helping others.

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Truth, Compassion, and Especially Forbearance

by 8hummingbirdway

About 5 years ago, when I was still working, there was a woman on my floor who I met in the lunchroom a couple of times. She was soft spoken and friendly and her name was Yu. She was born in China. Her department moved up a couple of flights and I didn’t see her again until one day she was out in the courtyard at lunch practicing graceful exercises under a tall tree. A week or two later, I ran into her and asked her about it and she told me she was practicing Falun Gong, a type of Qigong. She invited me to join her anytime and she would teach me the exercises. 

And so my relationship with Falun Gong, also called Falun Dafa, began. I liked the graceful exercises. There was an aspect of dance to them. There were 5 of them. 1, 3 + 4 were fairly easy to learn. Number 2 was more challenging. It involved holding one’s arms up in a circle position (like wheel) for a long time in 4 different positions. It lasted 30 minutes and was grueling for a while, never easy. However, I was engaged by the flow and balance and grace of the exercises, and I mastered #2. Meanwhile, I was introduced to #5 which was called “Strengthening Divine Power.”  Each exercise has a name, an intention, and music that goes with them. Exercise # 2 was nothing compared to #5 where one is to sit in full lotus position for a full hour. I started with half lotus for 30 minutes and was able to push it to 40 or 45 minutes on occasion.  It was very uncomfortable – and that is part of the reason for it – to develop forbearance.

I practiced the exercises at home when we couldn’t meet. I found them compelling.

After several months of doing the exercises at home and at lunch breaks, I was invited to join a group that Yu was part of. She seemed to be the leader. They met in the evening and read from a book called Zhuan Falun, meaning Revolving the Law Wheel. This book contained the philosophy and beliefs behind the exercises. I had no idea about the book or the beliefs when I first learned and practiced the exercises. There was much in the book that I easily aligned with. There were also things that seemed fantastical, but I have learned not to judge prematurely. I do not pretend to know everything. I hold the information within me and I allow it to sit there. The most impactful thing to me was the 3 main tenets: Truth, Compassion, and Forbearance. Truth and compassion were familiar to me. I am devoted to truth, at least to my truth and I often find that the “truth of the matter” is key to me in navigating my life. Compassion is also an old friend. I do my best to sustain compassion. I sometimes fail, but it is a path I respect, admire, and aspire to navigate.

Forbearance, however, was a new concept to me. It translates into simply “putting up” with what I encounter. I had never been that kind of person. I fought with my big opinioin against unfairness and faulty judgment (especially in others), thinking I had all the answers. The book gave many examples of the proper way to conduct oneself and I found it wise. I may not have understood all of it, but I came to understand that I was lacking, not the book. It was my introduction to a deep humility that I find extremely valuable.

The discussions after reading the sections were helpful, and I slowly made changes that were difficult, yet so valuable to my personal development and my path in this life.

The following Spring I met with some members of the group outside weekly and we did the exercises together (as much as I was able). Sometimes we would read afterward. I was the only non-Chinese person, and was treated with kindness, respect, and increasing warmth.

In June of that year I was in a bicycle accident that injured my trachea, making one of the exercises unwise to do for a couple of years, and I stopped my pursuit of Falun Dafa altogether. I feel I have recovered, but I haven’t returned to the practice. It’s a big time commitment to do the exercises daily and to pursue the teachings – and I’m not ready to make that commitment at this time in isolation, or commit to meeting with the group.

Perhaps the day will come again. I feel the pull as I write these words. Until then, I remain grateful for the experience and for having developed forbearance – and the humility that it engenders within me.

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