Bereft

Last week I saw a young man a few feet away from me just getting off his bike when I came out of the supermarket. He was wearing a black t-shirt with a very angry and profane message in large white letters. I felt compelled to talk with him.

I went to my car to drop my groceries and returned to ask him why he was angry.

He answered me in a very polite way. He explained that he was homeless, had just reached the end of his time at a shelter, and hadn’t been aware of having to leave before this day.

I talked to him more and learned that he is 21, had spent time in jail and was a recovering addict.

I realized that monetary assistance was not a good idea.

With his permission, I took a photo of him and he gave me a beautiful smile.

I have experience with addicts …and I have compassion for this life experience, especially in the young.

After saying goodbye and driving off, I realized I could have offered him a meal, talked with him more. I circled back a few minutes later, but he was gone.

I felt remorse for not having thought of offering some food.

This encounter unsettled me quite a bit. I prayed for him.

I was glad I had at least spoken to him with concern and respect.

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Truth, Compassion, and Especially Forbearance

About 5 years ago, when I was still working, there was a woman on my floor who I met in the lunchroom a couple of times. She was soft spoken and friendly and her name was Yu. She was born in China. Her department moved up a couple of flights and I didn’t see her again until one day she was out in the courtyard at lunch practicing graceful exercises under a tall tree. A week or two later, I ran into her and asked her about it and she told me she was practicing Falun Gong, a type of Qigong. She invited me to join her anytime and she would teach me the exercises. 

And so my relationship with Falun Gong, also called Falun Dafa, began. I liked the graceful exercises. There was an aspect of dance to them. There were 5 of them. 1, 3 + 4 were fairly easy to learn. Number 2 was more challenging. It involved holding one’s arms up in a circle position (like wheel) for a long time in 4 different positions. It lasted 30 minutes and was grueling for a while, never easy. However, I was engaged by the flow and balance and grace of the exercises, and I mastered #2. Meanwhile, I was introduced to #5 which was called “Strengthening Divine Power.”  Each exercise has a name, an intention, and music that goes with them. Exercise # 2 was nothing compared to #5 where one is to sit in full lotus position for a full hour. I started with half lotus for 30 minutes and was able to push it to 40 or 45 minutes on occasion.  It was very uncomfortable – and that is part of the reason for it – to develop forbearance.

I practiced the exercises at home when we couldn’t meet. I found them compelling.

After several months of doing the exercises at home and at lunch breaks, I was invited to join a group that Yu was part of. She seemed to be the leader. They met in the evening and read from a book called Zhuan Falun, meaning Revolving the Law Wheel. This book contained the philosophy and beliefs behind the exercises. I had no idea about the book or the beliefs when I first learned and practiced the exercises. There was much in the book that I easily aligned with. There were also things that seemed fantastical, but I have learned not to judge prematurely. I do not pretend to know everything. I hold the information within me and I allow it to sit there. The most impactful thing to me was the 3 main tenets: Truth, Compassion, and Forbearance. Truth and compassion were familiar to me. I am devoted to truth, at least to my truth and I often find that the “truth of the matter” is key to me in navigating my life. Compassion is also an old friend. I do my best to sustain compassion. I sometimes fail, but it is a path I respect, admire, and aspire to navigate.

Forbearance, however, was a new concept to me. It translates into simply “putting up” with what I encounter. I had never been that kind of person. I fought with my big opinioin against unfairness and faulty judgment (especially in others), thinking I had all the answers. The book gave many examples of the proper way to conduct oneself and I found it wise. I may not have understood all of it, but I came to understand that I was lacking, not the book. It was my introduction to a deep humility that I find extremely valuable.

The discussions after reading the sections were helpful, and I slowly made changes that were difficult, yet so valuable to my personal development and my path in this life.

The following Spring I met with some members of the group outside weekly and we did the exercises together (as much as I was able). Sometimes we would read afterward. I was the only non-Chinese person, and was treated with kindness, respect, and increasing warmth.

In June of that year I was in a bicycle accident that injured my trachea, making one of the exercises unwise to do for a couple of years, and I stopped my pursuit of Falun Dafa altogether. I feel I have recovered, but I haven’t returned to the practice. It’s a big time commitment to do the exercises daily and to pursue the teachings – and I’m not ready to make that commitment at this time in isolation, or commit to meeting with the group.

Perhaps the day will come again. I feel the pull as I write these words. Until then, I remain grateful for the experience and for having developed forbearance – and the humility that it engenders within me.

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