After writing the prior post about my daughter, I can’t help notice that most of her loved ones are male. She has girlfriends, but the people she trusts the most and lives with are male.
It has been the same for my older daughter. In 5th grade the girls all turned mean and she removed herself from their domain. She hung out with a male friend a couple houses away and all his friends. She still feels most at ease with men.
Both daughters have sons, no daughters (yet).
It’s interesting how life unfolds for people. I have always surrounded myself with females. I have 3 sisters – and one brother who I found simply annoying when we were young. [I do make an effort now to connect with him and his family, but he is generally too busy. This may be a reaction from younger days – I have no idea. I did tell him often and unkindly to STOP PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE! Unfortunately, he did.]
My sisters, on the other hand, were engaging and interesting and fun. I was closer to my mom than my dad, even though she was a scary screamer. My dad was not always reliable or present. I guess I chose the best I could. She sang to me sweetly at bedtime, and was around more.
I was nervous around boys in school. I didn’t understand them at all – nor did I understand men for a long time. The teenage/sexual realm was tough for me.
I think it took having a son and him becoming an adult for me to understand the male. And having a husband who is home/comes home every day is also a big asset. (As opposed to my often absent musician first husband).
I trusted women. I understood women. I always gravitated toward women in social circles.
I’m not saying that women are perfect people, or even better people.
Some of them are awfully caught up in being physically beautiful, or trying to be. And other superficialities such as beautiful clothing and home.
My older daughter’s best friend for many years kept being interested in every man my daughter spent time with, and even in her first husband.
But I have found good friends almost exclusively in women over the years. They do come and go. Jobs change, some don’t have kids and lose interest. Some don’t survive a life change, personal growth, political viewpoints, a move, or a challenging event.
I lost most of my friends (and was judged harshly by my siblings) during Covid because of my choice not to vaccinate. I learned to keep my mouth shut, but that’s a story for another day. Or not.
I kept one of my close friends. And my siblings and some older friends are back to talking to me.
But women – they can talk talk talk and share share share their feelings. I have a need to do that. Not as much as when I was younger, but more than my husband or my son want to talk/share.
My younger daughter doesn’t indulge in this much either, but my older daughter appreciates a break from her men to sort things out on our weekly phone calls.
Lately I have tea with women friends, both new and old, a few times a month – to chat and share and dissect things such as husbands, children, life, beliefs, and ourselves.
The other day, at a gathering of a few people I had been in a play with (small town, local writers and actors), I started to chat with some women, but politics was brought up so I wandered off and sat on a couch with the dad of a lovely child who was new to our acting group. I really enjoyed our discussion. He was right on my wavelength in so many ways, and our conversation flowed and flowed and I had to tear myself away when my husband was ready to go. His wife and daughter joined the conversation, but it was this man who most engaged me. He was a delight!
Oh – and there’s also the young man from Uganda who I can talk with quite easily. I hope to post about our conversations soon. And there are others.
So I suppose I have graduated to being able to find the comfort zone with both men and women.
I’m grateful and glad.
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8 hummingbird way 