I just completed a short meditation I posted recently – called Unity Breath. I will post it here again because there were several videos I shared in that post. https://youtu.be/CKy_uEj0mPY?si=xVPLJoywA5irkrEj
I listen every morning for 10 minutes. It is a significant blessing in my life and a beautiful way to start my day. I alway feel simply amazing and SO much love. Sometimes it brings tears, like the recent memories of my faulty parenting. These are the most impactful and opening experiences. I cry and release that which has gone before.
This morning I made sense of my detachment from all things male for most of my life.
About a year ago I recieved a message from my father (via a psychic) – that I was the one that he saw so much potential in – and I realized his disappointment in me. He had told me from a young age that I could be anything I wanted. He had been hoping for a doctor or lawyer – he’d said that when I was quite little …that I could be one of those. But I chose differently – food coop, clean houses, school bus driver, etc.
In 5th grade, I didn’t attend the special academy that all his work associates sent their kids to. I was socially awkward; it would have been a nightmare.
He changed toward me.
Later he didn’t like me talking on the phone to boys and I was …just a problem.
This is around the time I parted ways with God + Christianity – at 12 or 13.
For a long time there was no religion. Then I discovered the Goddess in my 30s and I spent quite a few years as a devotee. I was greatful to have Spirit firmly in my life again.
Other things lowered me in dad’s estimation and by the time I got pregnant with my 3rd child he said “Great – another kid to bail out of jail.” (I’m not going to explain, but he didn’t ever have to do that for me or my children.)
That was the beginning of the end of our relationship.
I was speaking to him again by the time I had a memory of sexual abuse 2 year later. I didn’t see a face, but I blamed my father and let him and my siblings know. He was never alone with any grandchild after that. Full story here.
And that was really it for me and my dad. Until he died.
Then I remembered more about his good sides …and saw more clearly. Not long after, I had a dream that I met Dad in a lovely dream. We were watching over my older daughter, as we both did when she was very little.
Then years later, during a healing process, I saw exactly who sexually abused me and it wasn’t him.
Meanwhile, I had come to peace with the male aspect of God. For many years I couldn’t even say or bear to hear the word God. At some point in recent years that was no longer the case.
This morning in my first silent meditation I was shown a family situation – deciding what to do when my sister abendoned her child. I did not want to be a parent at the time, but was the oldest. I thought we should let her go – be adopted. Until my father said he would raise her. I then said I would raise her. I thought so little of him that I would rather a stranger raise my neice than my father. This morning is the first time I can see how crazy that was – and the love for everyone came flooding in – my sister, my daughter, my father.
Listening to the Unity Breath meditation, I was able to connect with the Divine Father in a new and heartfelt way – bringing so much relief …and the release of tears …and the acdeptance of God’s love.
And I connected all these dots from the past.
Life is just amazing.
Also amazing is my recent understanding …that we have it all planned out before birth.
I want to give massive credit to my husband, my beloved sacred man – wonderful father and husband. I have finally opened my heart to trust him fully in the recent past as well. He is a pivotal catalyst for me in embracing ALL.
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8 hummingbird way 