I’ve written a bit about my childhood and about imbalance in my life.
I’ve shared my belief that living in alignment with the earth, the natural cycles and ancient ways is beneficial for humans. It’s my experience and understanding that these ways that I have come to identify as “tribal” provide guidance, wisdom, and a sense of self that is not generally available in our current culture of technology and disconnection.
During my life I learned and came in contact with things that have been helpful to me. These areas of knowledge, wisdom and engagement – as well as personal practices, have helped me to know myself and to be my best self. Some of these pathways have been significant in my life and have brought me to increased balance and wellbeing. They are the ground I stand on.
Gardening. I was fortunate to have learned a bit about gardening from a high school boyfriend. It stuck with me, this connection to the land and to providing for myself. I love spending time in the garden – the smell of the earth, the planting of the seed. It took me years and years to become a reliable weeder and to be committed to harvest of the bounty. My husband is also an avid gardener. In the Fall, he collects seeds from flowers and vegetables for the next year. In winter we plan for the next season, take stock of seeds, and order what we need. As well as providing food and beauty, gardening connects me to the earth and the seasons, and brings me outside to the sun and wind. This is a lovely element and foundation in my life.
Eating well. Gardening led me to eating healthy food. In college I became a vegetarian. I got involved in food cooperatives a bit later, and experimented with different variations in cooking and eating. Over time, I came to feel that strict dietary rules were not for me, but I still lean toward eating plenty of vegetables, some locally raised meat, and awareness of what foods are in season. I tend to eat more raw vegetables and salads in summer and more cooked food in the cold part of the year. My biggest challenge with eating has always been sugar. I will save my diatribe on sugar for another day for those who are interested.
Learning. I’ve had a longtime interest in “the Nature of Reality,” as I call it. I loved learning about the physics experiments that show the behavior of electrons are impacted by our expectations! I know a little about sacred geometry. I love math too (thanks to my dad, an actuary).
I do my best to stay open-minded. I read, and I study topics that interest me. I discuss ideas with my oldest daughter and my husband and with friends.
Engaging with children. If my sister had been able to care for her child, I might never have been a mom. If not, my life would have been seriously deficient. I am not saying this is true for others – but I personally identify so much as a mother. My life is exponentially richer for having my 3 children. And engaging with other children too. They have so many questions and ideas! And they are so loving and open. They also need guidance – and to be heard.
Our home became that place where other kids went to play and get some snacks and green vegetables. One neighbor could NOT get enough broccoli and another one snuck cans of tuna from my pantry – both raised on pizza delivery. Children also came for the safe space, and sometimes returned in part for the friendly, steady mom with a listening ear – and some firm rules about respect. Teenagers too.
Later, in NY, I drove a school bus for several years, which was challenging, but I loved the kids. And quite a few of them needed a listening ear too.
I will say that whether one has children or not, children (and elders and disabled people) are part of humanity. For some it’s animals that draw our attention. We all benefit from being needed. These others help us to connect genuinely and also to find our best and most generous + loving selves. I’m not saying everyone should be a parent. It’s a massive commitment and challenge from birth to …my oldest is 43 and I do worry about her sometimes. I don’t let it come between us, but I walk with an awareness of the needs and wellbeing of all my children (and other humans), and sometimes that is tough – as well as being a gift.
Meditation. I practiced meditation off + on. Long-term, it helped me live more in my heart than my head. It helped me to let go of the worry and stress. Most of all, it taught me to be present, which has been a significant gift. Being present meant no more constant brain chatter (worry, analyzing, etc.), being more aware of my surroundings, knowing how I feel, being present for my children and others. At this point in time I rarely meditate, although I do some breathing exercises sometimes and that is similar in result. Yoga is also a good choice. Or walking/hiking – especially in the woods. [Also – moving extends and increases longevity.]
Self-sufficiency (less now than in the past). About 25 years ago I moved from a lovely small city in CT where I had largely raised my children – to the Northern Catskills. I had this idea I could homestead – raise my own food, live off the grid, continue to homeschool my kids. My mom was living with us then and I was still married to my first husband, a musician who travelled a lot. I learned that one person cannot homestead – especially alone, in my 40s, short on finances, with a bunch of responsibilities, including trying to build a home on 5 acres (living in a 1972 “manufactured home” with a composting toilet). But I had a huge garden and canned some food, economized with homemade bread + soups/stews. I had chickens for eggs and meat, [and 2 pigs one year), and learned how to butcher chickens. (Sorry you animal lovers, but it has to be done if you are eating meat. I’m one of those who would rather face it myself. I know the animals are raised with love and killed humanely. One day I’d be singing to the chickens and the next day one would be in the pot and a few in the freezer.) We also heated with wood; we still enjoy stacking it, but we stopped cutting it ourselves.
The house did get built, and we helped. New wood stove. Along with a septic system!
Later my 2nd husband left his village home and was raising bees and increasing the presence of flowers, fruit trees and greenspace on the property. We also installed a hand pump on our well for emergency water. More recently we moved to less than a half acre of level ground in a nearby village. There’s a hike nearby and we can walk 1/2 mile for music, library, post office, community, decent food. We had a wood stove installed in the Fall. Bees and chickens are coming this Spring!
Living with Nature. Moving to the hills was one of my best choices. It probably wasn’t the best choice for my marriage at the time (increased distance from NYC …with Mom), but it was definitely good for my soul. Peace, stars in the dark nights, shoveling snow – the only sound a hawk or coyote, the big garden fruit trees/bushes, the woods, the small pond we cooled off in. I am deeply glad I got to have that time and become a country woman. (Country kids too!)
Full moon circles with other women. We share, we listen, we sing, we take action for ourselves or others with simple “rituals”, (such as creative artwork, a healing prayer, a gratitude dance), and then we feast. The connection in this group formed a tribe of sorts. I participated in and led these groups for over 30 years until Covid split up the most recent group. Sometimes I think of returning to it.
Shamanic studies and practices. Later in life, my shamanic studies and work have increased my understanding of the nature of reality, which is now significantly more expansive. Probably the most important aspects of this to me have been 1) the help I have been able to offer others and provide to others and 2) the ancestor work I’ve done, which has helped me to understand and honor my predecessors on this earth.
I am no authority on life …and yet I have learned to look to my soul for the interpretation of spiritual guidance. This is my authority – Spirit/God/Source and the wisdom I inherently possess. Yes I pay my taxes and put on my seatbelt, but beyond that I have come to trust myself to discern what is right for me.
We all possess this wisdom. We simply have to learn to exercise it …and trust it.
Addendum: My older daughter recently told me that her 24 year old son (my grandson) said to her that he has read several times recently that you don’t grow up until you have children. I find that true in my case. Providing for others – those you must put first – was a transformational experience.
I’m also delighted to imagine that perhaps there will be great-grandchildren in my future!
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8 hummingbird way 