Tag: marriage

My Daughter got Married on Thursday

by 8hummingbirdway

My youngest daughter and her sweetheart got married Thursday at a justice of the peace as she wanted, with just her son and his girlfriend present. After that, they had a simple photo taken and went golfing with her son, his girlfriend and her brother. (I believe she and the girlfriend drove the cart and ate french fries.).

They returned home to casual dinner party with close friends. The party was to celebrate my new son-in-law’s birthday, which was also yesterday. I had the pleasure of attending, and brought champagne for a toast to their marriage which was from both me and her dad.

They are moving to DC to a house with my son and another close friend next month. I’ve made peace with it and I trust it’s for the best. 

They plan to have a formal wedding gathering back up north next year, as the groom wants.

My daughter and her new husband are the best of friends, have lived together for several years, and they know how to sort things out and let each other be. 

Everyone loves this gentle smiling man – from her son to her brother to her older sister and her nephews, her dad and …and especially the bride.

This was not her first marriage. She was very young before and it was a rough road to recover from.

My soul is delighted at this sweet alliance.

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Refrigerator Wisdom #2

by 8hummingbirdway

The second piece of refrigerator wisdom came straight from my husband’s brother’s refrigerator to mine. I have always assumed it was put there by his wife. We women tend to be more sentimental. Regardless, I’m sure my brother-in-law aligns with the sentiment.

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by loving an imperfect person perfectly.

This speaks volumes to me. And it has grown over time within me.

Love.

It’s perceived in so many ways.

The most important aspect of this message is that we must devote our selves to those we choose to love. I cannot think of a more important endeavor in this life. Our loved ones change and unfold as life goes on – and in response to life.

People don’t show all of themselves right away. Not because they are deceptive, but because they change. They are where they are in each moment. For example, different things are at play when one is in the business of falling in love. Charm shows up naturally. More smiles present themselves in response to feeling happy. Strong connection is on display as this love grows.

The same thing happens when a mother gives birth. She is biologically programmed to be attentive, protective, mindful, comforting, and nurturing in relation to her child. She even speaks in softer tones.

As time goes on, the person in each of those scenarios returns to the full spectrum of themselves. Their attention and focus eventually returns to the day to day aspects of life. Other responsibilities resume their position in the array of one’s life – work, shop, cook, pay bills, etc. Stress creeps back in and impacts that which began as something in a fairly tale. Love remains, but often must take a back seat to other realities.

Additionally, as life unfolds, aspects of who we are sometimes return to us …or show up surprisingly. When something happens (a birth, a job loss, buying a home, a death), we find that we carry parts of ourselves that we hadn’t known before. It may be a residual pattern from our upbringing, or it may be a new development that change has brought forward.

Meanwhile, our loved ones’ job is to expand their view and understanding of us. Compassion may be needed. Generosity might be required. Acceptance will be called forth.

The one thing we can count on is change. Being anchored in the words of this refrigerator wisdom above can help us keep our feet on the ground, remember what’s important, and call forth the inner fortitude and ability to sustain love.

I realize as I write this post that I may have to write something about leaving my first marriage.

Sigh.

Down the road.

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I Chose My Husband Well

by 8hummingbirdway

I chose my second husband well.

He speaks the truth, and he doesn’t feel he has to say everything he thinks. This is of primary importance to me.

He is very much a home guy.

He loves animals and plants the way I love children.

I am a gardener. I have been growing vegetables since my 20s – and some fruit bushes and trees. My husband gardens with an expertise that I don’t have. And he brought flowers to the garden! He bravely plants sunflowers right in the middle of the rows of vegetables – along with tithonia, zinnias, cosmos, and specific pollinators for his bees.

There are flowers everywhere! He just installed our summer hanging flowers – fragrant petunias and lovely fuchsia with the hummingbirds in mind – and other colorful blossoms as well.

He enjoys thrift shops the way I do – and he seeks out loves yard sales.

He loves music, as do I. We listen to live music fairly regularly locally and travel to see excellent musicians occasionally.

He loves the displays of nature and traveled to see 2 total eclipses with me! We also share a love of the ocean and the hills and the woods.

He is wise about money in a way that I have never been. Over time I have become more conscious and frugal, and he has stopped worrying as much about finances.

He got me bicycling and hiking and I got him eating more vegetables.

He participates in community theater! This is a love of mine since high school. And he’s very good at it.

He can be grouch in the morning when I am at my best, and he is at his best in the evening when I am sometimes a grouch.

I’ve learned from him to hold my tongue and he’s learned from me to let go of stress.

He is a lovely person to travel through life with, and to grow old with.

I am blessed by his presence in my life in so many ways – some of which took me years to recognize.

My gratitude is boundless.

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I’m Having a Soulful Time

by 8hummingbirdway

My husband went away for 5 days to ride bikes and play miniature golf, etc. – and eat fish in Florida with his son.

I have the house to myself and I am doing as I please.

I can practice the fiddle at 3am. I can sleep strange hours. I can play podcasts and French lessons and my astrology class and music out loud all day long if I want. I don’t, because I enjoy the quiet too.

I can eat my favorite food and have meals at random times if I please. I can (and must) do some final preparation for my trip to Africa. I get on an airplane in 7 days.

[The 3 cats are mad at me even though I’m petting them, talking to them, scooping their litter, providing clean water and giving them their prescribed treats and snacks. They seem to think I’m responsible for their favorite person being gone and are keeping their distance. I’m slightly miffed, but can’t say I’m overly impacted by the cats. Petunia (my favorite) has been in the basement for 2 days, but this morning she came up and decided I could pet her, scratch her head and sit by her for a few minutes. Now she’s gone again. She is a persnickety one.]

I do have to water plants, feed birds, etc., but otherwise I am as free as a bird.

Yesterday I had a chiropractor appointment to make sure I’m in good form for my trip.

I also had a bodywork appointment with Gretchen Cosgrove, who is a blessing in my life. I credit her with returning me from a bicycle accident I had that almost killed me (handle bar to trachea) nearly 3 years ago …back to LIFE! I feel 100% myself again, which is amazing. I am extremely grateful for the deep and varied aspects of healing that she has brought to me. I highly recommend Gretchen for massage, energy work, anything she offers. She is a soul and body healer of outstanding ability and presence and love.

I will be adding a link to her website (currently under revision) to my info bar at the bottom of each page.

I asked Gretchen for overall balancing and work on my heart chakra because Sri Pune said it would benefit my connection to my son. I have been trying to “allow a frequency adjustment in my heart that will assist me to develop a new pathway of my heart” as advised. Allowing is sometimes hard for me – it’s so vague. But I do have a sense of when I’m successful. There was definitely a shift today in my heart.

Shortly after Gretchen attended to my heart, her hand hovering steadily over the chakra, I started to see waves of color. A couple minutes later I started to feel sadness, which increased and solidified. I remembered something my husband said to me a couple months ago that was impactful and unsettling. I had buried it, but now it has surfaced again and is looking for light. While he is away is a perfect time to unearth it and see what needs to be done to allow it to be put to rest.

My husband and my marriage are blessings to me, but marriage is not always easy to navigate. There are times when we feel hurt, whether or not the hurt is intended.

I am extremely grateful for this time, just for me.

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