Author: 8hummingbirdway

I'm Annie Breglia and I'm on a mission to help heal the planet one soul at a time. The ancient way. The way of the shaman.

A Saxophone and a Clarinet!

by 8hummingbirdway

Looking back to Africa

I am so excited!

When I was in Goma, our host Bienve asked if we could provide a couple of saxophones. At the time we didn’t have an answer, but this question took up residence within me. It seemed a small thing I might be able to do.

On our last evening in Congo, we stopped at the church that provides support to Remember Youth for Change. The band that practices there as a result of Bienve’s vision played a flawless rendition of Amazing Grace for us, delighting me – and cementing my intention to help. (We also met a pianist in a separate practice room.)

A couple of weeks ago I asked a musician relative if he could provide guidance on getting used instruments. He suggested I look for something on Amazon or eBay.

This was a bit intimidating to me. I have never navigated bidding for items on eBay. And how do I assess an instrument that I don’t even know how to play from photos and a description of “used?”

I thought I might be able to get the a better deal than on Amazon after looking at both options.

Nothing to do but plunge in.

I joined Ebay and looked at the saxophones under $100. I asked questions of those who were selling about the condition of the pads. I reviewed seller ratings. For a week I was outbid on every item, but then I put a bid on a clarinet for $14 and and a saxophone for $35. I was the highest bidder!

They arrived in their boxes a few days later. Now what?

I couldn’t just send them, I realized. I had to make sure that they worked and probably send some reeds with them.

I remembered that my step-daughter used to play the clarinet and her husband is in a band with a saxophone player. I called and asked …they were happy to try them out!

I dropped them off a couple hours before band practice a few days ago and after an hour I got a video of the sax being played beautifully! The clarinet is in good form as well.

My heart is full of gratitude to the sellers and to the testers and for my good luck and spiritual support!

I’m going to get some additional reeds and make sure I write down the brands of the instruments and anything I need to know about the reeds and …(oiling the cork?) so that I can pass the info on and in the future perhaps provide more reeds.

Then off they go to Goma!

OK – I’m off to hunt down another saxophone on eBay!

Soon I will be able to provide information about other ways to assist Remember Youth for Change in Democratic Republic of Congo.

In the meantime, I will be sending at least one additional shipment of musical instruments if you have any you are not using.

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Change of Tone

by 8hummingbirdway

Going forward, I’m hoping to offer more uplifting messages than I recently have been writing.

I’ve been in a morass of sharing a difficult part of my personal story in the past couple of weeks that I felt needed to be told.

Thank you for your tolerance during my self-absorption.

Gratitude,

Annie

The Rest …about me and Dad

by 8hummingbirdway

I felt freedom when I published what I wrote last week. I have more to tell, but I shared the critical fact that I falsely claimed my father sexually abused me in my mid 30s.

The feeling of freedom surprised me somewhat, but it makes perfect sense.

This story has been a prison – especially since I returned to family stories.

Shortly after my memories of sexual abuse surfaced, I wrote my father a short, cold accusing letter. I cc’d the letter I had written him and sent it to mother and siblings. I said not to contact me.

Not long after that, my mother told me that she was sexually abused by both her brother and her father. I don’t know why this didn’t make me rethink who did harm to me.

I invited my father to visit me a few months later. He said my accusations were untrue. I was sure I was right. It didn’t matter to me whether he was lying or didn’t remember.

I remember extending an olive leaf to him at that meeting. I said something about having a better relationship in the future. I guess it’s not surprising that he wasn’t interested. I think I would have tried in his shoes, but …I can’t really know the harm I did. He did say he’d never be able to spend time alone with his grandchildren because of my accusation.

Although I adored my father as a young child, I slowly became more aligned with my mother, especially in teenage years. I’m not exactly sure why. Nobody is a perfect parent. There are some tough memories.

Perhaps I needed Mom as a role model more. My mom was not the more balanced of the 2 of them; I can easily see this from my current vantage point. But my father gradually receded. At least from me.

My mother said a lot of bad things about my father, sometimes sharing even their private adult information with me. I became her confidant. I didn’t love being her confidant, but it was a package deal. My father and I had parted ways, despite those concerts he took me to. I have a few other memories of kindness and generosity from my father in those teenage years. He tried, but …my siblings all managed to be closer to him in adulthood than I was.

I do, however, consider him a role model when I look back in time.

I guess the short story is that my mother vilified my father often, and so …it seemed obvious to me that he was the perpetrator when I saw a male figure over me. I never questioned it for years and years.

Much later, well after my father’s death, I came to change my mind about this.

I cannot explain this in a fully rational way.

It had to do with coming to know his cousin, her stories, and her certainty that he would not have done this – having known him from childhood.

It had to do with information I received from helping spirits in journeys.

Perhaps, most significantly, it had to do with the ancestor work I did. I learned so much – wonderful things – about my ancestors, and I connected with my ancestral helping spirits in these lineages strongly. In this experience I came to understand that his parents, who I knew and loved, and those before them – were almost all people of integrity and love.

I also worked with my mother’s ancestors. I had to travel a long way back in time to connect with loving beings in the male lineage – her father and the men before him. At one time I was actually told to stop the process. Extra protection had to be set up so that I could not actually witness the healing process or know about the individuals involved. This was not a healthy or balanced group of people. (The healing process took a very long time.)

[I also have a strange childhood memory of my maternal grandfather that makes no sense – in the basement with him.]

Did my father and I have Karma to work out? I have no idea.

I did have a lovely dream of him long after his death.

After that visit, my relationship with my father was either distant or non-existent. For the last few years of his life, we were completely estranged.

When I told family members that I no longer believed that dad was the perpetrator, I learned that not all my siblings had believed me. I am glad for this.

My cousin was upset with me for a while; my claim had been very hard on her mom, my dad’s sister. Nobody else said much. They seem to have forgiven me.

My 2 youngest children barely knew their grandfather. This is a great sorrow to me. I’m unsure about how well his other 2 grandsons, my nephews, knew him. One lived far away.

I try not to carry shame about my grave and damaging error. I did my best. I did what I thought was right to “break the chain of abuse” in our family, as the books say.

I’m not saying the books are wrong.

I was wrong.

It’s unfathomable to me that this could have happened.

Is the lack of a tribe partly responsible for my bad choices in my life? Perhaps.

I feel that we lose a great deal in the loss of a tribal way of life.

Truth, Clarity, Awareness, Guidance, and Connection to Earth and Spirit.

Mine is only one story; there are many many others who have not stood on solid ground – others who have harmed self and/or others.

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About Cane Sugar – and other food tidbits

by 8hummingbirdway

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have been challenged by sugar all my life. Specifically cane sugar. I learned to bake with other sweeteners – mostly maple syrup (which requires some adjustment to a recipe), and more recently coconut sugar.

I generally sweeten my oatmeal with maple syrup, raisins or dates. I sometimes make waffles, but not too often. I enjoy french fries occasionally, and I do use ketchup, which contains sugar. My husband makes a delightful cole slaw with his excellent fish fry that has sugar in it (the slaw).

It’s amazing how many processed and ready-made food items include sugar. I read labels, to at least be aware of what’s going into my body, and to minimize sugar and additives.

Cane sugar is an addiction for me, and I use it extremely sparingly. I have not always been on the winning end of this addiction.

In my early years, through most of my 20s, I could easily eat a half of a pan of brownies or most of a package of ginger snaps, or chocolate chip cookies in a couple of hours. I could not have sweets in the house without eating them.

By the time I was 27, I had the wellbeing and eating patterns of my daughter to consider and I became more vigilant about sugar intake and healthy food in general.

I read Sugar Blues by William Duffy(1975) when I realized the hold sugar had on me, and learned a great deal. The book covers health impacts, history and collusion about hiding the facts. Here’s a full review https://printmatic.net/book-review-sugar-blues/

Another fact that I became aware of in the past decade is the battle between the sugar and fat industries. When I was in my 20s, sugar was a clear concern for the growing health food industry. A lot of money was spent to eliminate that concern, to introduce sugar more widely into foods (including “health” foods), and to vilify fat as a greater danger to our health.

Diabetes has became more common in recent years, even in children.

Regarding fats. We need them in our diet – unlike sugar. “Trans” fats should be used sparingly. They are created by adding hydrogen to vegetable oil, which results in a solid product which is inexpensive and less likely to spoil, so it has a longer shelf life. I do use butter from a healthy source, but sparingly. I also cook with vegetable oils that I perceive to be healthy, mostly olive and sunflower.

In my experience, food closer to it’s natural state is the best.

Also consider consumption of chemical pesticides and fertilizers. I remember learning about the dirty dozen – foods that are produced with a high level of pesticides. I try to buy organic when purchasing these. In researching to include for you, I just now discovered that the list has changed! See here: https://www.ewg.org/foodnews/dirty-dozen.php I also discovered the clean 15 – foods that have the lowest levels of pesticide residues. You can buy these without going organic.

I believe that organic is best if you can afford it. Also, not all countries are as exacting in what constitutes organic and in overseeing/testing of organic producers. If it’s a high-pesticide crop, such as grapes (or raisins), I gon’t buy the if they come from out of the country.

I had no problem limiting chips and other food that provide little nutritional value, but sugar was much harder. My parents were both diabetic, as is one sister. I have paid attention to sugar for 50 years, and was mostly on the losing end of the battle. I actually used to buy donuts, eat some and hide the rest in my car for later. (This is addictive behavior.) In the past 3 years I have finally learned to avoid cane sugar. I am very happy to report that I now have fewer than 4 servings of a sugary dessert each year (well spaced out, because the cravings do kick in). This has made a significant impact on my energy level, as well as my general wellbeing.

The impact for me of consuming cane sugar include lethargy, agitation, a short temper, impatience, brain fog, lack of motivation, increased cravings, and skin rashes.

Sugar is known to impact the brain negatively – as well as our mood, teeth, joints, liver, heart, arteries, blood pressure, blood sugar, pancreas, kidneys, body weight, circulation, and (for men) one’s sex life For details, check out this link. https://www.webmd.com/diabetes/features/how-sugar-affects-your-body

Both wheat and sweeteners (starch turns to sugar in the body) impact me, and energy level.

In my 50s I realized that if I don’t want that low energy afternoon experience, I should not eat a sandwich for lunch. This was a big help when I had a 1pm meeting. Now, in retirement, I try to stay aware as well. If I want to walk or read something, I try to remember to eat accordingly.

I believe that avoiding sugar and making other healthy food choices are responsible for my good health at the age of 68. I do not take any medications regularly. I feel good every morning and generally all day. I also do some daily stretches and I try to get a walk in. (The walk has been less definite in the past year or so – especially when it’s cold. Hopefully I’ll do better this year.) Sometimes I nap in the afternoon, especially when I get up early.

I still have to be vigilant. Last week I made banana bread (with coconut sugar) for my husband and I ate more that I would have liked to, even though I sliced it and put it in the back freezer, which sometimes works. Since Africa I have been more vulnerable.

If you want to take action on sugar – here’s a link to some information from an informational source that also offers short courses. https://lr.dailyom.com/view/65312870a186d74bb70549d6kpl2k.sodp/cbaf2802

I felt the author was including all sweeteners. For me, cane sugar is the main culprit. However it’s good to be wary of artificial sweeteners too. The list is surprisingly long, and some have been shown to have concerning impacts on the health of humans that are different than cane sugar. In my opinion, limiting healthy sweeteners, such as maple syrup, honey, coconut sugar, agave, and stevia is the best course of action.

All sweeteners are empty calories.

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Mitigating my Lack of a Tribe

by 8hummingbirdway

I’ve written a bit about my childhood and about imbalance in my life.

I’ve shared my belief that living in alignment with the earth, the natural cycles and ancient ways is beneficial for humans. It’s my experience and understanding that these ways that I have come to identify as “tribal” provide guidance, wisdom, and a sense of self that is not generally available in our current culture of technology and disconnection.

During my life I learned and came in contact with things that have been helpful to me. These areas of knowledge, wisdom and engagement – as well as personal practices, have helped me to know myself and to be my best self. Some of these pathways have been significant in my life and have brought me to increased balance and wellbeing. They are the ground I stand on.

Gardening. I was fortunate to have learned a bit about gardening from a high school boyfriend. It stuck with me, this connection to the land and to providing for myself. I love spending time in the garden – the smell of the earth, the planting of the seed. It took me years and years to become a reliable weeder and to be committed to harvest of the bounty. My husband is also an avid gardener. In the Fall, he collects seeds from flowers and vegetables for the next year. In winter we plan for the next season, take stock of seeds, and order what we need. As well as providing food and beauty, gardening connects me to the earth and the seasons, and brings me outside to the sun and wind. This is a lovely element and foundation in my life.

Eating well. Gardening led me to eating healthy food. In college I became a vegetarian. I got involved in food cooperatives a bit later, and experimented with different variations in cooking and eating. Over time, I came to feel that strict dietary rules were not for me, but I still lean toward eating plenty of vegetables, some locally raised meat, and awareness of what foods are in season. I tend to eat more raw vegetables and salads in summer and more cooked food in the cold part of the year. My biggest challenge with eating has always been sugar. I will save my diatribe on sugar for another day for those who are interested.

Learning. I’ve had a longtime interest in “the Nature of Reality,” as I call it. I loved learning about the physics experiments that show the behavior of electrons are impacted by our expectations! I know a little about sacred geometry. I love math too (thanks to my dad, an actuary).

I do my best to stay open-minded. I read, and I study topics that interest me. I discuss ideas with my oldest daughter and my husband and with friends.

Engaging with children. If my sister had been able to care for her child, I might never have been a mom. If not, my life would have been seriously deficient. I am not saying this is true for others – but I personally identify so much as a mother. My life is exponentially richer for having my 3 children. And engaging with other children too. They have so many questions and ideas! And they are so loving and open. They also need guidance – and to be heard.

Our home became that place where other kids went to play and get some snacks and green vegetables. One neighbor could NOT get enough broccoli and another one snuck cans of tuna from my pantry – both raised on pizza delivery. Children also came for the safe space, and sometimes returned in part for the friendly, steady mom with a listening ear – and some firm rules about respect. Teenagers too.

Later, in NY, I drove a school bus for several years, which was challenging, but I loved the kids. And quite a few of them needed a listening ear too.

I will say that whether one has children or not, children (and elders and disabled people) are part of humanity. For some it’s animals that draw our attention. We all benefit from being needed. These others help us to connect genuinely and also to find our best and most generous + loving selves. I’m not saying everyone should be a parent. It’s a massive commitment and challenge from birth to …my oldest is 43 and I do worry about her sometimes. I don’t let it come between us, but I walk with an awareness of the needs and wellbeing of all my children (and other humans), and sometimes that is tough – as well as being a gift.

Meditation. I practiced meditation off + on. Long-term, it helped me live more in my heart than my head. It helped me to let go of the worry and stress. Most of all, it taught me to be present, which has been a significant gift. Being present meant no more constant brain chatter (worry, analyzing, etc.), being more aware of my surroundings, knowing how I feel, being present for my children and others. At this point in time I rarely meditate, although I do some breathing exercises sometimes and that is similar in result. Yoga is also a good choice. Or walking/hiking – especially in the woods. [Also – moving extends and increases longevity.]

Self-sufficiency (less now than in the past). About 25 years ago I moved from a lovely small city in CT where I had largely raised my children – to the Northern Catskills. I had this idea I could homestead – raise my own food, live off the grid, continue to homeschool my kids. My mom was living with us then and I was still married to my first husband, a musician who travelled a lot. I learned that one person cannot homestead – especially alone, in my 40s, short on finances, with a bunch of responsibilities, including trying to build a home on 5 acres (living in a 1972 “manufactured home” with a composting toilet). But I had a huge garden and canned some food, economized with homemade bread + soups/stews. I had chickens for eggs and meat, [and 2 pigs one year), and learned how to butcher chickens. (Sorry you animal lovers, but it has to be done if you are eating meat. I’m one of those who would rather face it myself. I know the animals are raised with love and killed humanely. One day I’d be singing to the chickens and the next day one would be in the pot and a few in the freezer.) We also heated with wood; we still enjoy stacking it, but we stopped cutting it ourselves.

The house did get built, and we helped. New wood stove. Along with a septic system!

Later my 2nd husband left his village home and was raising bees and increasing the presence of flowers, fruit trees and greenspace on the property. We also installed a hand pump on our well for emergency water. More recently we moved to less than a half acre of level ground in a nearby village. There’s a hike nearby and we can walk 1/2 mile for music, library, post office, community, decent food. We had a wood stove installed in the Fall. Bees and chickens are coming this Spring!

Living with Nature. Moving to the hills was one of my best choices. It probably wasn’t the best choice for my marriage at the time (increased distance from NYC …with Mom), but it was definitely good for my soul. Peace, stars in the dark nights, shoveling snow – the only sound a hawk or coyote, the big garden fruit trees/bushes, the woods, the small pond we cooled off in. I am deeply glad I got to have that time and become a country woman. (Country kids too!)

Full moon circles with other women. We share, we listen, we sing, we take action for ourselves or others with simple “rituals”, (such as creative artwork, a healing prayer, a gratitude dance), and then we feast. The connection in this group formed a tribe of sorts. I participated in and led these groups for over 30 years until Covid split up the most recent group. Sometimes I think of returning to it.

Shamanic studies and practices. Later in life, my shamanic studies and work have increased my understanding of the nature of reality, which is now significantly more expansive. Probably the most important aspects of this to me have been 1) the help I have been able to offer others and provide to others and 2) the ancestor work I’ve done, which has helped me to understand and honor my predecessors on this earth.

I am no authority on life …and yet I have learned to look to my soul for the interpretation of spiritual guidance. This is my authority – Spirit/God/Source and the wisdom I inherently possess. Yes I pay my taxes and put on my seatbelt, but beyond that I have come to trust myself to discern what is right for me.

We all possess this wisdom. We simply have to learn to exercise it …and trust it.

Addendum: My older daughter recently told me that her 24 year old son (my grandson) said to her that he has read several times recently that you don’t grow up until you have children. I find that true in my case. Providing for others – those you must put first – was a transformational experience.

I’m also delighted to imagine that perhaps there will be great-grandchildren in my future!

Private sessions are offered in person and remotely by phone or video conference. Contact Annie to book a session, host a workshop, for sliding scale rates or to discuss barter arrangements.

The Price

by 8hummingbirdway

I stated in a recent post that a terrible price was paid – for my memories of sexual abuse which resulted in significant personal healing for me. It has been difficult to write since then. This topic has been in my awareness as I wrote prior posts, especially as I wrote about family members and was gently chided by a friend who read some of my posts about my family history – he wondered whether I was writing in integrity – because of my disclosure of disclose some of what I wrote about family. This wondering in turn caused me to write a series of posts about dirty little secrets. And I have written more on that topic, which I have yet to post. So many threads of thoughts drift off. Now this one of family has returned, unexpected. I did not sit down to write this aspect about my sexual abuse in the recent post about not having a tribe, but it popped up anyway. It wants to be told.

This terrible price was paid by me and by my siblings, my children, my nephews, my father’s sister, and especially by my father.

I accused him of sexually abusing me in my early childhood.

The strange thing is that in neither of my memories, did I see the abuser’s face.

I simply “knew” it was my father.

Our home was not peaceful. Disharmony reigned between our parents as they navigated a growing family (5 children) and various personal and marital issues. Sometimes they lashed out at us, but mostly it was the two of them. Sometimes it was scary. Mom throwing things. Dad walking out the door. My response to this has shifted over the years.

I was not aware that I myself carried the hostility I was raised with until I lost two close friends in my 30s and 40s. The first tried to talk to me about it. The second told another when she abandoned our friendship that she “didn’t want to do battle with Annie.”

When my first child was young, I began to choose forbearance over disharmony, but it has been a long journey.

Although I had mitigated some of the pattern I grew up with, I could still be very vehement and angry at times. Even now, I have to check myself (especially when I feel something critical is at stake). I am grateful to say that I am now in control of my responses. It has truly taken a lifetime, as well as a great deal of patience and love and honesty from my closest family members.

It didn’t happen all at once. There were steps along the way.

Having my two younger children, close in age, enter their teenage years and witnessing their arguments brought me to a place where I started to actually distance myself from disharmony in any form. Somehow it brought me right back to the fear connected to my parents’ fights.

Only in recent years have I have learned to remove myself from arguments and keep my thoughts to myself at even the threat of disharmony. I’m sure there are moments when this is not ideal, but overall I would say it’s a positive development. (I do stand my ground when necessary.)

My second husband, strong, honest and devoted, has brought me much of this last distance. And I have to say that my son shared insights with me on our recent trip that shifted my awareness even more. I have always been hardest on the men I love most.

Now in my 60’s, I can no longer blame Mom.

I’m still noticing my responses (inner and outer), and evolving into the person I want to be. Most recently, a channeled message from Sri Pune let me know that understanding my son and my husband would change me – and make me a better shamanic practitioner.

I am making headway.

I have written a lot here, and there is a lot more to say about all that happened. I see that I will have to continue another day. Soon.

I have noticed that it’s best for me to intersperse more neutral topics with personal revelation in my posts. It took me 5 days after the last one to write this one. I wasn’t sure I could do it.

But here I am, and it’s important that I continue to shed light on that which I deeply regret.

There is THE TRUTH, not lying – and then there is the truth of full disclosure – especially since I have written some things about others. (And yes, I realize that there is a difference in who does the telling. I also realize that telling one’s own story is not the same as telling the stories you know about others. And I may have more light to shed on that.)

I know that many of you hold understanding and compassion in your hearts, and for this I am grateful.

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Queen Diambi

by 8hummingbirdway

A friend has shared with me the story of Queen Diambi of Congo. She lives in the USA and discovered her heritage in her late 40s. So joyful and hopeful! I have watched a long video of an interview with her. (See link below) Almost 2 hours and it has taken me a couple of weeks – but I am so glad I took the time! Much is happening in Africa and globally! Great wisdom and messages are shared in the interview.

Great change is coming! I an deeply heartened.

Here is my letter to Queen Diambi tonight.

Dear Queen Diambi:
I humbly write to you. I have just seen and listened to your interview with Robert Edward Grant. I am a 68 year old woman who lives in the hills of upstate NY and I returned less than a month ago from a journey to Congo. I connected with an organization in Goma called “Remember Youth for Change” which brings love and help and support to the community and to refugees in the area. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxAap-JkGAo

[Bienve speaks directly to us from his heart in this short video linked above.]

There is much challenge in Goma now as the international mafia is closing in on the city, removing those nearby from their land to attempt to gain wealth from the minerals that have been found there.

I am changed by my journey, and a friend shared your video with me which is so inspiring. Thank you.

I am having a vision of a new world and especially of preserving and revealing and looking to tribal ways.

I love what you said about the journey of Africans in this country.

My (adopted) daughter, my sister’s child, is the daughter of a Native American man, taken from his tribe at the age of 4 or 5 and a woman of European descent. She married an African American man and her 2 sons carry a great deal, both suffering and transformation. One has just been elected to his local school board in CT at the age of 22 and plans to attend law school. The other, 24, went to Uganda with my son and is on his own journey, also in college.

I don’t know why I am telling you all this. I suppose it has to do with tribal ways and healing and personal strength …and the joining of multiple cultures through my daughter.

I am a shamanic practitioner, which ties me personally to tribal wisdom. My mission is to help.

I am helping Bienvenu Kamwendo, the founder of “Remember Youth for Change,” in his mission to bring meaning and wellbeing to young people through music. I’m hoping to send a few saxophones soon to join the musical mission he has started in Goma – along with the sewing enterprise he has created which provides school shirts for refugee students, and re-usable menstrual pads for sale. He oversees gardens that provide food in the refugee camps and so much more. I had the privilege of connecting with children and others in the Bulango Refugee Camp outside of Goma, providing a large meal there and connected with those in another camp for displaced persons as well.

My trip was short, just over a week, but it has changed me. I am finding my way to my new self through writing. My story starts on the blog at 8hummingbirdway.com – on 2/8/2024.

I felt so moved by your interview. Thank you. I had to reach out.

Thank you for your presence and your path and your work in the remote villages you preside over.

All blessings.

Listen to Robert Edward Grant’s interview with Queen Diambi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR5r11Ui0K4&t=2357s

Navigating Life with the Lack of a Tribe

by 8hummingbirdway

I believe that my yearning for being born in another time, and for simpler ways, closer to the land is the result of being born into this physical reality without the proper guidance of those who might teach me about who I am, how to conduct myself, and how to live and provide for myself. We enter this word in need of guidance about who we are, how to navigate challenges, how to honor ourselves and to make sense of our lives.

Once a group of people leaves the tribal paradigm, we generally no longer grow our own food or build our own homes. We become dependent on an external version of property, propriety and status. We are not taught how to live in balance, how to honor ourselves and others, or how to live and eat in harmony with the seasons. We are not taught about who we are, who our people are, who our ancestors are, where they came from, or what they believed. Most of us do not have a place on the earth, do not have a clear sense of responsibility to our community, to our elders, or to our children.

Parents in our current paradigm have little time for their children. I was lucky to have been raised by those who did their best for me, my parents – though looking back I can see that they too, though they did their best, were lost.

Today, many people, possibly most people in our culture, are on a treadmill of providing funds for food that may not nourish their families, funds so we can dress in ways and have things that will allow us to “fit in” or to impress others, providing wealth rather than stability and self-understanding to their children. Children are raised predominantly in some sort of childcare arrangement and they are taught in schools. The public school lessons are mostly void of values, understanding of self and others, or guidance/training that helps one sort out how to move confidently into adulthood in a way that satisfies or provides for the self, and contributes to the greater good.

When I reached adulthood, I floundered. Jobs, colleges, and relationships with others were somewhat random; they came and went. I did not know how to evaluate myself, my choices or have clear goals. Looking back, I see that the events around me formed my life, not any internalized wisdom, sense of self, sense of place, or understanding of the world around me.

I did not know who I was.

I was generally a caring person, but had little sense of personal boundaries or values. I became a parent because my sister wasn’t able to care for her child and I was the oldest. I married to protect the status of my daughter from her alcoholic biological father and his brother, an attorney.

Parenting was the start of true learning, but I still had a long way to go.

I soon recognized that I carried negative patterns of blame and punishment from my childhood that I could not align with. I had no firm and positive understanding of how to be a parent, nor did I have the biological benefit of instinct kicking in. I turned to books to learn, and I started to gain better parenting skills through reading and experience.

Within a couple of years I strayed from my marriage …when the urge struck, without much thought or understanding about this choice. Within a year or two, I managed to recognize the error (it hurt my heart), and receded back into the marriage that I had established without recognizing that deception and lying were not positive ways to conduct myself.

I never told my husband, but I did tell my children after leaving the marriage. Was that positive? I still don’t know.

There was a fair amount of deception and lying in my childhood, both within my family and elsewhere.

We went on this way, my husband earning a living in a way that did not align with what was legal at the time. We had 2 more children, I worked in the corporate world that I did not respect. My children were in childcare from a very young age.

Shortly after my youngest child was born, I had 2 memories of being sexually abused as a child. I went to a therapist and learned that much of my behavior (controlling behavior, sexual discomfort and bad personal boundaries) were classic patterns of people with this type of experience in childhood.

This memory is what changed my life – for the better, but not without a terrible price.

I realized so much about myself. I worked for years to heal my deep wounds, to correct my ways. One of the first things I realized is that I had been a liar. I stopped in my tracks …or tried to. It was not easy. I had to change a lot of patterns, such as gossip, social white lies, untruths for convenience. Over the years I have gained strength. Sometimes I divert answers so as not to hurt …or to simply keep my thoughts + opinions to myself.

Today I do not lie or practice deception.

My life took a turn. I had left the corporate world and started a house cleaning business that was simple and honest and I provided work for others and paid them well. As the business grew, I was able to homeschool all 3 of my children for two to 4 years, which was a blessing for all of us.

I continued my spiritual search, now standing on more solid ground, understanding more about myself, having established truth, and the beginnings of true personal growth and strength.

The terrible price? Before I fully aligned with truth, I told one last careless untruth, unbeknownst to myself at the time.

I will write more about this soon.

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Defining Tribalism

by 8hummingbirdway

For the sake of clarity, I would like to offer a definition for Tribalism.

According to Wikipedia, Tribalism is the state of being organized by, or advocating for, tribes or tribal lifestyles. Human evolution has primarily occurred in small hunter-gatherer groups, as opposed to in larger and more recently settled agricultural societies or civilizations.

I also found some synonyms that I align with for the word tribal: kindred, common, group, family, clan, people, lineage, kin. (multiple sources)

Related to this search, I found a definition of “Native Community” is “Indigenous peoples,” a collective name for the original peoples of North America and their descendants. Sometimes the term “Aboriginal peoples” is also used. (Crown-Indigenous Relations and Northern Affairs Canada).

Orignal Peoples. This is a positive way to look at tribal groups who live close to the land, grow, raise and hunt their own food, and teach their own children. It proscribes a certain status and position of honor similar to that of being a great great grandfather. A revered one who “came before.”

The living individuals of a tribe are clan members made up of family and those who are added to family. Their version of family is similar to ours. As well as blood family with the same ancestry, it includes those who choose a mate in our family group, are adopted into our family group, or are simply added by virtue of becoming aligned with or close to family, such as a neighbor who is referred to as “Aunty Sue.”

There were several children who gravitated to our home when I was raising my children. They are absolutely part of our clan. Even those we have lost touch with live in our hearts and would be welcome at our table and in our homes if we were to somehow reconnect with them. One is still very much in touch, and all three of my children call him their brother.

Other definitions I came across are quite negative. They culminate in this one offered by Cambridge Dictionary: Tribalism is a very very strong feeling of loyalty to a political or social group, so that you support them whatever they do.

Several definitions defined tribes as being against other groups.

Yet another definition mentioned groups who root for the same sports team, and those who are followers of a musical group, such as Grateful Dead.

I do not align with these definitions when I use the words tribalism, tribe or tribal.

I have concerns about the negative use of the word tribalism. In fact, recently I have been told by 2 people I respect, that they understand tribalism to be negative in exactly that way. Being against others.

It’s absolutely true that tribes sometimes have conflicts.

I am familiar with the fact that some Native American tribes had more of a warring nature than others and were more generally feared.

I also know that Europeans, when they first cam to this land, aligned themselves with some tribes in order to enlist them in their attempts to prevail against other tribes. Many tribes were dominated, displaced, and even eradicated in this way.

However, I feel that defining tribes as oppositional to others is similar to defining counties as having enemies rather than by their evolution, laws and values. We need only consider recent history to recognize that the practice of aligning with a temporary ally is still used today for the purposes of control, domination, and sustaining power over others globally.

I believe it is a mistake to define tribalism as opposing those who are not part of one’s tribe.

I understand being part of a tribe to mean sustaining ancient and ancestral practices, beliefs and alignment with honoring and living in harmony with nature and natural cycles – cycles of the moon and sun, growing seasons, and tides.

Respect for, knowledge of and alignment with one’s ancestors is a significant aspect of this way of life. A man I met in Uganda told me that he was raised in a tribe and that within the tribe there were 2 clans. His clan was the Lion clan. His name is a tribal name. (I wish I had asked what his name means.) He identifies and knows himself in this way. This kind of knowledge is something I have never had. I do not stand as a member of a tribe or clan. I feel I have always missed it, not knowing exactly what I missed, or why. This is the richness that is lost when tribes are forced away from the lands they have occupied for centuries.

This loss is still occurring in South America, Australia, Africa, Asia and even in the USA the loss is not complete. Is it too late to honor that which is tribal in origin? To honor those who still live in a tribal paradigm and have connection to the ancient sacred ways of their tribes and their ancestors? Are there perhaps things we can learn from people who are so vastly different from us?

I would like to think it’s not too late, that the current transformation and reworking that is under way on this planet will expand to embrace the ancient ways, the conservative ways, and some of the new unfolding ways. I am holding space for us to grow and expand exponentially in ways that allow us to honor every one of us. This way would sustain freedom as our forefathers defined it, and would allow others to sustain ways that might be unfamiliar and different. 250 years ago, they were not able to make room for others.

Times change, and I envision the best of changes.

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Tribal Ways on Planet Earth

by 8hummingbirdway

I have long perceived tribalism as a sacred way of living.

Until very recently, my perception and understanding of tribal ways has largely been informed by my limited knowledge of Native American tribes. There is something about this way of life that tugs strongly on my soul.

In my early 20s I first came to feel that I was born in the wrong time; I still yearn for greater simplicity, even though it comes along with a harder life, and sometimes a shorter one. The richness to me of connection to nature and to each other, and of simplicity seems incalculable in comparison to our current path of what I would call Disconnection.

My deepest connection, even in childhood, has been to the Land and to Trees and to Water and to Music and to Loved Ones and to other simple aspects of life that I now understand connect me to “Spirit.”

My knowledge early in life was largely of this land, North America, and it’s history. When I looked back in time, I looked to homesteading and growing one’s own food, having access to nature, including plants and animals. A life like this is also more connected to the cycles of nature.

In my late 20s and 30s I researched and learned about Native American history, practices, and beliefs. What I learned aligned with my understanding of what is important and valueable in this life. And so when I looked to the past, I now had a broader view, which included the four directions, the four elements, ways of planting according to natural cycles, animal and plant spirits, and other sacred tribal ways.

My knowledge of Native American tribal ways also includes stories such as “Dances with Wolves,” The Education of Little Tree, and Return of the Bird Tribes. All of these stories bring me to tears. These tears are not unrelated to the tears I held back when I visited the Bulango Refugee Camp in Democratic Republic of Congo, where the refugees have been very recently ousted from their ancestral (tribal) lands, and are now reorienting themselves in a strange place with no connection to their longheld and sacred ways.

Another experience that informed my understanding of my own yearnings for deep connection was participating in and leading full moon gatherings for over 30 years, something I will share about another time. This practice brought to me a deeper awareness of natural cycles, and simple practices that align with gratitude, wisdom, compassion, and more.

The final aspect that connects me to tribal ways is my shamanic work, which includes journey circles and shamanic healing. I could write a great deal about this. For now, I will simply say that it is sacred work that originates with a tribal understanding of the soul. And I must include the fact that Ancestors, the Four Elements, as well as Animal Spirits and Plant Spirits, Great Spirit or Creator, and our Natural World and Cycles play significant roles in tribal ways of life and perception, in my work, and in my life.

My visit to Africa has me returning to the deepest inquiries of my soul with new information, a broader perspective, and some questions.

I have a great deal more to say regarding these matters.

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