Month: February 2025

Secrets

by 8hummingbirdway

My famly had so many secrets. There was sexual abuse and there was mental illness. And there’s still one more secret that in today’s world is no longer even a scandal.

My dad was a cross-dresser, a transvestite in the words of my youth. He didn’t want to BE a woman, like a friend of mine who eventually had gender change surgery. He just felt most himself in women’s clothes. Since it was a dirty little secret, he only had negligees, not full outfits. This is my understanding.

I wasn’t aware of this until adulthood, but when I think back, I can hear his high pitched falsetto voice coming from the bathroom when he was ensconced in there, free to be his alter-ego for a little while.

My sister told me of coming across him in dress when she stayed with him during a college break. She later checked his closet and found a few more things. My mom told me at some point that it was part of her sex life and that it was very problematic for her.

I have written before about family secrets, but my gentle dad is long gone and nobody in my family reads my posts. So I’m finished concerning myself with the impact of these matters.

And this secret has another aspect that moves me to shine the light here.

My brother’s son, my nephew, now identifies as they/them and he (sorry, but I am struggling with this paradigm) wears feminine clothes and colors these days. I love my nephew. He has walked a traumatic path in his youth, socially. He is “on the spectrum” and has dealt with being a social outcast because he doesn’t read social cues well and is “just not cool” in the vernacular of my day. The last time this social outcast thing occurred, in college, he took a left turn into sexual fluidity and found an instant community of friends. And there has been a huge sigh of relief from all of us who love him.

He himself wonders, my brother told me – what exactly is at the root of his choice. He recognizes that it brought him comfort and acceptance.

My brother is a kid lover, like me. Children are his favorite people. He was a Montessori teacher in his second career. He is sad because he has hoped for grandchildren.

The crazy thing about this story is that my nephew doesn’t know about his grandfather’s cross-dressing. He’s in his mid-twenties, and I would be willing to bet that everyone else in our family does know about dad …but there has been a decision made to keep this information from him.

[There is some lack of clarity about whether dad’s cross-dressing was strictly sexual, unlike my nephew’s.]

On my last visit to my brother’s, I admired a lovely photo of my nephew, around the age of 2, listening to my dad’s heart with his toy stethoscope. For some reason, it prompted me to ask whether he knew about dad. And my brother said no. I was surprised, and made a case for it being positive for him to have this information. That he would feel a deeper connection with his grandpa, and possibly some pride or relief that he wasn’t alone in his choice.

It hurts my heart that my nephew doesn’t have this information that I feel would benefit him. I’m not seeing the down side, although I’m sure it was explained to me.

I do admit to a wish that he might take his choice out into the light more fully, and make sure he is choosing for his true self.

In general I don’t think secrets are helpful. They keep us from knowing ourselves. It’s all hiding there, in the pain of our ancestors and siblings and parents And maybe our children.

It has crossed my mind to tell my nephew myself, but it feels …interfering, duplicitous, sneaky- to tell my nephew something significant that his parents don’t want him to know.

Maybe I will someday – if the opportunity arises, but I can’t imagine how or when that would occur. Last time I had alone time with my nephew, we were baking a cake and he was maybe 14.

So I carry it, and it haunts me from time to time.

I just want the best for everyone.

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Karmic Pain and Healing

by 8hummingbirdway

In the past several months I have learned some things about karmic pain.

  1. The pain is real.
  2. It cannot be diagnosed or healed by a medical professional.
  3. It is a release that you can facilitate – if you want to resolve it (and remove the pain).
  4. It may be the result of harm you did to someone in this lifetime, but is often a result of some harm you did to another in a past life. You were the perpetrator – the cause of harm to another.
  5. You can “go within” to discover what the origin of your pain is. Trust what comes to you – a story or visual image of what occurred in the past. The information you receive may be simple or elaborate.

In my 30’s I experienced jaw pain for several months. I had a massage therapist work on it repeatedly, doing deep muscle work. No impact. I consulted with a dentist. Nothing was amiss. One day I screamed into a pillow in frustration …and the pain was gone! I got into my car and drove for about a half hour to a nearby city, screaming all the way and all the way back. It never bothered me again …until this fall.

I have mentioned being engaged with a healing process called Soul Convergence this year. A significant part of the process is to resolve one’s karma, which includes harm one may have done to others. At one point in the process, quite a few participants were experiencing pain that they could not explain.

I cannot say why my jaw pain was dormant for almost 40 years. But this Fall, it resurfaced. I was guided to go within, and I experienced my jaw being caved in as a result of a battle incident. Then I realized I was experiencing the injury that I had done to another. I had been in battle, but this clubbing of another man was done out of cruelty – above and beyond the necessities of battle.

Week after week it was increasingly painful. The pain went from my jaw to my ear, the area of my eyes, and down into my throat. This is what the man I injured experienced, along with shame of his hideous injury, his infected tissue and crumbling skull. He pretended to eat, but could barely drink …and died within a few weeks. I had a great deal of information about this injury.

I eventually learned to go into the pain. I remembered that a woman I had once met talked about mitigating pain by entering it, and I decided to try this. It helped and relieved the pain I was experiencing. I can’t say how this works, but it did.

One morning I woke and the pain was gone.

I have a few other areas of pain I’ve been guided to address as a result of harming others in other lifetimes. One other story was not elaborate like this one. I haven’t gone into the others yet.

According to the teachings of Soul Convergence, it’s time to resolve our karma.

We are moving from a karmic reality to a dharmic reality. I don’t fully know what this means, but now is the time to resolve karma.

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Good news!

by 8hummingbirdway

For the past month I have been offering healing and information through channeling. Some have tapped into weekly healing sessions, some one time requests for healing and or information.

It is hard work. I need to spend several hours each morning preparing myself (reaching an appropriate frequency), channeling, then transcribing the session and sending them off when appropriate.

It’s demanding, and I am still learning to simply allow the information to simply arrive without my opinion/interference.

I wasn’t looking for a job, actually. But I was told in no uncertain terms that this is my path, my work, that I agreed to do this before this incarnation. I face criticism and I’ve had failures. I started attempting this in September, but it was only recently that I emailed 35 allies and offered my services.

People responded. I’ve had zoom sessions, questions emailed and texted, people come over to ask in person, I’ve traveled to the homes of others. I have 7 people who signed on for weekly healing.

I am so grateful for all this trust and practice. I am doing the work every day, and I am bringing forth love and my best self every day.

This morning a friend told me she is sleeping better in response to guidance from several weeks ago. Another friend I’m channeling healing for weekly emailed to tell me that my healing help and guidance was just what she needed to hear and work on, because she needs help in exactly this area of her life right now.

And so I’m helping! My heart and soul soar!

Private sessions are offered in person and remotely by phone or video conference. Contact Annie to book a shamanic session, host a workshop, for sliding scale rates or to discuss barter arrangements. There is no change for group or individual channeling sessions at this time.