Patterns

I have discovered many patterns within myself recently. Patterns I don’t like. Patterns I am ashamed to carry.

They keep showing up one by one.

It’s part of what occurs during the healing process I am on called Soul Convergence. I wrote about this in July, when I was 3 weeks into the journey. Now, in October, I have several weeks to go and I cannot imagine each time I receive a new guided meditation, where it will bring me.

The process contains more than I can describe. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is profound and deep and healing. An amazing amount of love is provided by the Angels who support the process.

It is also exhausting on some level that I don’t understand. I am simply spending about an hour each day listening and opening to the messages …but I am navigating a great deal internally.

As well as love and healing, I am confronted with myself, over and over, more and more deeply. Recognition of patterns I have carried show up during the meditations, in my dreams, and in my behavior. I suppose I am seeing with different eyes these days.

In my last post I wrote about recognizing a pattern of judgement – and speaking about another in a disparaging way about their choices in parenting.

I have also recognized that I have had trouble letting go of what is past – people, ideas, feelings.

I learned that I have interfered in the lives of others. I haven’t been about to mind my own business.

I noticed that I have carried a tendency of thinking I know what everyone ELSE should do, even if I haven’t said anything.

I’ve discovered that I shared what people have said about others with those others – without even realizing it.

I have realize that I act like a spoiled brat sometimes.

I have seen myself being lazy, selfish, and judgmental.

This has all been deeply upsetting and difficult. But I’ve come to understand that this is part of the path I’ve chosen and I have learned to navigate each instance within a few hours, to make a different choice more aligned with the integrity I WANT to align with, and to return to balance fairly quickly.

Making a different choice helps me to release the pattern …and activate a new way of being.

I am happy to say that my family still loves me. They did even before I learned these things about myself. Not that they want to hear about all this. I get that. We all have our own paths.

I am looking forward to landing on my feet after this Soul Convergence.

Next month I will see who I am.

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