The second piece of refrigerator wisdom came straight from my husband’s brother’s refrigerator to mine. I have always assumed it was put there by his wife. We women tend to be more sentimental. Regardless, I’m sure my brother-in-law aligns with the sentiment.
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by loving an imperfect person perfectly.
This speaks volumes to me. And it has grown over time within me.
Love.
It’s perceived in so many ways.
The most important aspect of this message is that we must devote our selves to those we choose to love. I cannot think of a more important endeavor in this life. Our loved ones change and unfold as life goes on – and in response to life.
People don’t show all of themselves right away. Not because they are deceptive, but because they change. They are where they are in each moment. For example, different things are at play when one is in the business of falling in love. Charm shows up naturally. More smiles present themselves in response to feeling happy. Strong connection is on display as this love grows.
The same thing happens when a mother gives birth. She is biologically programmed to be attentive, protective, mindful, comforting, and nurturing in relation to her child. She even speaks in softer tones.
As time goes on, the person in each of those scenarios returns to the full spectrum of themselves. Their attention and focus eventually returns to the day to day aspects of life. Other responsibilities resume their position in the array of one’s life – work, shop, cook, pay bills, etc. Stress creeps back in and impacts that which began as something in a fairly tale. Love remains, but often must take a back seat to other realities.
Additionally, as life unfolds, aspects of who we are sometimes return to us …or show up surprisingly. When something happens (a birth, a job loss, buying a home, a death), we find that we carry parts of ourselves that we hadn’t known before. It may be a residual pattern from our upbringing, or it may be a new development that change has brought forward.
Meanwhile, our loved ones’ job is to expand their view and understanding of us. Compassion may be needed. Generosity might be required. Acceptance will be called forth.
The one thing we can count on is change. Being anchored in the words of this refrigerator wisdom above can help us keep our feet on the ground, remember what’s important, and call forth the inner fortitude and ability to sustain love.
I realize as I write this post that I may have to write something about leaving my first marriage.
Sigh.
Down the road.
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8 hummingbird way 