Personally

I wondered how I would cope with this journey being over. But it’s not over. My heart and my soul have been deeply impacted and there is more to do. Telling the story of my journey is part of it. Right now I’m not sure how to even be myself.

I walked into my home Monday morning and saw my husband and the tears started. They live close to the surface now – for which I am grateful.

Tears should always be close to the surface, I think. So that we can release the experiences and challenges we no longer need to hold on to. Mine were shut off for many many years, and I had been holding onto much.

There has been a slow resurfacing more recently, and now, after this jounrey, I feel I live with them (tears) right here with me, ready to flow if need be. It feels like the right way to live.

I would also like to live with laughter close to the surface. Perhaps other things as well.

As well as a the desire to tell about what I’ve seen and experienced, I would like to learn how to walk with a load on my head, as so many of the people in Africa do. I saw it over and over and I’ve always loved that image, and the simplicity of carrying a load in that way. We shall see whether I have the balance and strength to do it. Or whether one must learn this ability at a younger age. Or whether I will even sustain this intention. It’s going to have to wait for warmer weather!

I am physically challenged from the journey. It was all I could do to drive home 3+1/2 hours yesterday on the morning after my 3rd plane landed (Sunday at 2pm). I am listless, short-tempered at times, hot and cold, my feet are falling asleep often, I’m sleeping an awful lot, a small cut is not healing, I’m not eating much, and have to make myself drink. (My son was in the hospital for dehydration last night. I feel for him. He had to put off an important job interview from Monday until Tuesday, and then realized he could not think. Thank God he was able to recognize that he needed help.) I have not lifted a finger in the past 3 days to cook anything. After looking at my calendar about 8 times, I prepared to leave for an acupuncture appointment Tuesday, then realized it’s not until Wednesday when I saw the date on my check. I’m nervous about taking a shower, and I clearly need one (I did take one Sunday night).

I am very fortunate to have a tolerant and supportive husband. He just put on some lovely music tonight that has me teary, so the shower will have to wait.

I know people are waiting to know more about my journey, but there are many aspects to what has occurred. I will continue with my trip to the first refugee camp tomorrow.

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